February 22nd, 2008

Staying or Going? Why Women Stay in a Relationship with a Cheating Husband

How far would you go in a relationship with a cheating spouse?  Apparently, for some women, it’s as far as they can.  Hillary Clinton is a prime example of this.  During her recent appearance on the Tyra Banks Show, Clinton once again delved into an old but familiar territory – that period in her life when her husband engaged in an affair with then White House intern Monica Lewinsky. 

An affair to remember
The Clinton-Lewinsky affair rocked America and became one of the biggest news stories around the world.  It also thrust his wife Hillary into the spotlight, albeit in a less than desirable manner.  The affair has since ended, Bill Clinton has since completed his two terms as president and Hillary has gone on to pursue her own political aspirations.  Through it all, the presidential shenanigan failed to break what is now viewed as a marriage and a partnership.

In trying to explain her decision to remain loyal to her husband despite multiple extramarital relationships in the past, Hillary says that she had to examine and consider what she felt was the right thing to do not just for herself but also for her family.  That ‘right’ thing turned out to be to stay with her husband in spite of his two-timing ways.

Today, the affair that once threatened their marriage seems like a footnote in their lives. 

Why women stay with husbands who cheat
Every woman’s relationship is unique and as such, how one reacts to a similar situation might or might not be the norm for others.  While there are women who will pack up and go once her partner so much as looks in the other direction, there are also women who, like Hillary Clinton, choose to stay in a relationship.

Some reasons include:

Love
There are women who feel strongly about their husbands.  While they may have felt hurt by their spouse’s betrayal, they love their husband too much to let go of the relationship.

Family
Some women will forsake the pain caused by their husband’s affair just to keep the family together and protect their children.

Money
Being too financially dependent on their husbands prevent women from leaving, afraid that if they don’t stay in the relationship, they would not be able to cope on their own.

Fear
Fear can be a strong alibi for women who stay with husbands who cheat.  It can be about anything – the fear of being ridiculed, fear of becoming alone, fear of the unknown, particularly if they have no other permanent relationships or support systems besides their marriage.

Religion
In this day and age, some women still feel they have to stay in a relationship with a cheating husband because their faith or belief system prevents them from doing so.

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June 26th, 2007

Avoiding Infidelity at Work

If you don’t want to get burned, don’t play with fire. The same thing can be said about cheating on your spouse. It is commonplace these days that married men and women fall for their colleagues at work. The increasing number of women joining the workforce for decades now has brought together men and women in the workplace, giving way for many to flirt around or be overrun by hormonal spike, resulting in illegal office romance.

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June 22nd, 2007

Some Facts and Figures on Infidelity

Just last night I was watching the movie True Lies on DVD. It’s been 13 years since the first time I watched it, but the thrill and excitement of the movie is still as fresh as the first viewing more than a decade ago. While watching the movie something hit me. I chuckled at the thought that even a government spy would become paranoid at the first hint that his wife was cheating on him. He would use everything at his disposal (at the expense of his dear old job) to catch his cheating spouse.

Infidelity is overwhelmingly prevalent even to this day. The number of reasons why men and women cheat on their spouses vary as much as the number of people involved. Some blame their hormones. Some blame their differences with their spouses. Some reasons are emotional and some are deeply financial. Some are even psychological. Whatever the reasons are the fact that cheating on spouses could victimize anyone anywhere remains true.

Polls have shown that 90 percent of people have expressed disapproval of extramarital affairs although 15 percent of women and 25 percent of men have experienced infidelity. Emotional affairs and relationships that do not include sexual intercourse could jack up these numbers. In other studies related to men and women’s thoughts on extra-marital affairs, men tend to feel comfortable about having sex outside their marriage if they are certain that they don’t love the women with whom they are having affairs with while eloping women tend to feel less guilty about having sex outside of the their relationship if they feel that they are in-love with the person with whom they are having affairs with and not with their husbands.

Sad but true. These facts and figures are not going to hit a plateau anytime soon nor are these going to decline. Experts believe that these numbers pertaining to infidelity are going to increase thanks to modern day technology which helped eloping take on a new avenue. Things aren’t going to change positively, unless concerned spouses become deeply and consciously aware of where their relationships are headed.

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June 20th, 2007

Sexual Infidelity Cues

In recent posts we have identified the different ways a spouse manifests infidelity as an essential first step to catch a cheating spouse. Some spouses commit emotional infidelity which involves online affairs such as sending flirtatious emails to a colleague at the office or trying to find an old-flame online. Other spouses may only have physical contact with someone else such as in sexual affairs but are not entirely emotionally involved with the person he/she is having an affair with.

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June 18th, 2007

Infidelity – Is it Justifiable?

Cheating among spouses is such a sorry circumstance. It is a disease that plagues not only the unhappy, but also the happy. It’s sad but so true. For a lot of people who were caught cheating, it was found out that they were happy with their marriage. They just couldn’t resist the temptation and thrill of a new or secret extra-marital affair. Catching your cheating spouse could prove to be a futile job to mend a relationship; it could even end a happy one.

There are a lot of myths concerning infidelity. These myths were purported by some people for them to justify an affair. Some people, in order to justify the affair and cover their guilt, claim that they have ultimately fallen out of love. They blame their partners for being deficient in many ways, causing them to fall out of love, thus they search for emotional and sexual satisfaction from someone else. Truth is, some of these people who have such claims are still in love with their spouses; they just couldn’t resist the urge. What they really out of is focus, not love, for their spouses.

Some people’s justifications concerning infidelity are rather extreme. They claim that having an affair is somehow good. It could even save a marriage on the rocks. But is this really so? Can one correct a wrong with another wrong? Do you douse a fire with a high-octane gasoline? Unless the one who made such claims was born yesterday, I don’t think we have to present all the facts gathered to point out that in many circumstances, infidelity cannot save a troubled marriage. In fact, as was shown in a lot of cases, it could aggravate the troubles the marriage may already be into.

Infidelity is infidelity. Whatever the causes might have been, the fact remains that cheating on a spouse is downright wrong and could not be justified by any deficiencies a spouse may have. After all, who goes to jail, the burglar or the owner of the house who left his window wide open?

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June 15th, 2007

Some Facts and Statistics About Infidelity

Infidelity is a very emotional quandary. It does not only happen to Americans nor does it only happen to Europeans. Everyone around the world could fall victim to the evil that is infidelity. In your quest to catch your cheating spouse, it’s best to take a look at some of the facts and statistics related to cheating among spouses.

Almost a decade ago, a study showed that 22 percent of those surveyed were married men who have cheated at least once during their marriage, as opposed to only 14 percent of married women. Remember, these were the figures almost a decade ago. Today, the numbers are even higher due to the increasing number of women in the workplace (this has been proven to be one of the factors why a lot of women these days stray away from their partners) and the increase in number of women who have had Internet affairs as Internet use have more than doubled over the years since then.

Ironically, according to the same study, although the prevalence of infidelity has steadily risen, 90 percent of Americans believe that infidelity or adultery is wrong. It merely shows that even the most conscientious among us, if caught off-guard, could still fall victim to adultery. In fact, 17 percent of divorces in the

US were caused by cheating spouses back then. Add to these alarming statistics the sad fact that 70 percent of women and 54 percent of men were not aware of their spouses’ affairs. In the

UK, half of all the divorce cases were caused by infidelity last year and some of them hired private eyes to confirm their suspicions about their cheating spouses.

The facts are around us and they’re quite disturbing. I shudder at the thought that one day, I or my spouse would fall victim to such temptation. Well, I guess that remains to be seen. With vigilance, proactive attitude and maintaining an open line of communication with your spouse and keeping the fire alive, I suppose each couple could beat infidelity by a huge margin.

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June 13th, 2007

Why It’s Awfully Bad to Cheat

Finding yourself involved in infidelity, be it one where you were the one cheating or otherwise, is not only not fun, it’s also embarrassing. Add to that the costly legal battles that ensue as you and your spouse painfully decide to file for a divorce. To catch your cheating spouse red-handed is humiliating not only to him, but also to you and to your children.

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June 11th, 2007

Who Cheats More?

I’ve been ranting about how awful it is to cheat on a spouse and about how to catch a cheating spouse. It’s been all about that for the past few posts. But now, let’s try to look at things in a slightly different angle. By doing so, we could perhaps try to tailor-fit strategies to better catch your cheating spouse.

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June 8th, 2007

Signs of Cheating: Alert! Spouse Off Course…

Paying attention to the symptoms and doing something about it is essential to treating any illness. At the first sign of flu, you take in vitamins right away to stop the flu from further infecting you, increasing the risk of contaminating other people around you. The same can be said about cheating on spouses. Catching your spouse cheating really is a lot to prove. But the first sign of cheating should set off a red light that your partner is straying away.

A lot of relationships that were once promising at the onset but were later on plagued and eventually destroyed by infidelity could have been salvaged. Some spouses, upon seeing a hint that their spouses are slowly drifting away almost automatically place themselves in the state of denial, not wanting to believe that a nightmare is creeping in. They just don’t want to deal with it head on for fear that things could get worse until it’s too late.

The cues that tell your spouse is cheating on you could show through a lot of aspects or only one. The signs could be apparent on your spouse’s sexual behavior, the way he or she treats you or your children, or changes in the way he/she sees him/herself.

Here are some sexual clues of infideltiy from Truth About Deception:

  • Using erectile dysfunction medications in secret.
  • Missing condoms, or finding your wife suddenly taking the pill without telling you.
  • Finding another person’s item of clothing, or noticing that there are some clothes of your spouse’s that you haven’t seen in a while.
  • The cheating spouse suddenly exhibits a keen interest in doing the laundry, to avoid having their clothes scrutinized for clues or possible stains or marks from their latest rendvous.
  • Having less time for you or for the family.
  • Drastic change in sexual behavior, and a sudden interest in experimenting with sexual styles.

In Warning Signs of Cheating Spouse, the following clues are enumerated among others:

  • Having a restless and discontented spouse, and he or she doesn’t hide it. He or she could be losing interest in your marriage or in your family.
  • Your spouse suddenly has an interest in more dangerous and exciting pursuits.
  • He or she could be exhibiting signs of low self-esteem, hence the need for an affair.
  • Your spouse is often confused about his or her decisions.
  • Laziness and lack of contribution in household concerns.
  • There is a serious lack of communication from his or her end.
  • Your spouse has suddenly lost interest in attending family occasions.
  • Finding that your spouse has been lying about certain events or so-called work meetings.

Heed the warning signs before it’s too late. Only you can salvage your relationship if it means a lot to you.

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June 6th, 2007

The Key to an Infidelity-Free Relationship

One thing about cheating on spouses remains true despite its many causes and effects; it’s becoming more prevalent and victimizes many more spouses than ever around the world. Truth be told, there have been a lot of fingers pointed at and countless families devastated. Inevitably, knowing why cheating occurs among spouses is one giant step towards curtailing it and salvaging homes.

Why do people cheat?

Spouses cheat to satisfy one thing that his/her spouse fail to give like he/she used to. It could be sexual satisfaction or the warmth of a spouse that is supposed to emanate within the relationship. Some spouses cheat because they feel the pressure of being the only one trying to build the relationship stronger and happier. Others cheat on their spouses because of the ongoing conflicts that never seem to cease between them. Others, because of the activities that eat away the time that could be spent with his/her spouse, gave an opportunity for infidelity to set in. All this boil down to one thing: spouses cheat because they are no longer happy with what is going on within the relationship.

Happiness, it’s the end of all things. It’s what we all try to achieve no matter what endeavor we are in. One takes on a job, for example, to buy a new house which is happiness in itself. Others maintain a career simply because having a career is in itself happiness for them.

What about marriage? Isn’t it happiness in itself, as well? The problem with a lot of couples these days is because they get caught up with all the things they regard as priorities, other important things like spending some quality time with their spouses tend to find their way in the backseat. At the outset, their ultimate inspiration for getting a job are their spouses until other things got in the way like having to pay the mortgage and trying to please the boss.

Stop for a while and smell the roses. What are the things that you could be missing? Are you paying attention to the emotional needs of your spouse? Do you still go out together like you used to when you were still dating? Do you still watch movies together or eat out? Reliving the happy days with your spouse and staying happy are keys to maintaining a healthy and infidelity-free relationship.

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