To Catch Your Cheating Spouse

Are you suspecting that your spouse is having an extramarital affair? Are you afraid that your spouse is cheating on you and completely draining your savings to pay for his or her indiscretions? You can start looking for the signs after Valentine’s Day, says Ruth Houston, through her book “Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs.” Believe it or not, a cheating spouse can actually reveal his or her weaknesses just after hearts’ day comes along.

Houston, with her Valentine’s Day Infidelity Awareness Campaign, which happens annually, has much to say about the post-Valentine’s hoopla that can surround the concealment of an affair. You simply need to know what to look for in order to see if your spouse is indeed keeping something from you. For instance, if you discovered a hidden gift before Valentine’s Day, but it wasn’t given to you, and it also disappeared, then you can be sure that your spouse is cheating on you. If you find that your spouse purchases two identical gifts (reflected on receipts), and if you find purchase receipts for romantic gifts that you did not receive, such as lingerie or jewelry, or worse, if you find receipts for gifts that never found their way to you, then you can start suspecting that something is awry.

Husbands, if your wives have romantic gifts on hand, such as lingerie or jewelry, but have no receipt to show for it despite the fact that they claim that they bought it for themselves, then you can start suspecting something. Are you finding restaurant receipts for places that you didn’t go to on the dates leading to and immediately after the 14th? What about hotels or motels? Telephone bills with numbers you don’t know, and showing calls made on V-Day?

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, as many as half the marriages per one thousand people ended in divorce in 2001 in the US. Although not all of these involved a cheating spouse, you can suspect that some amount of cheating came into play. And although the numbers of cheating spouses is rising, Houston says that confrontation should not be the first line of defense or offense. Always look for additional proof, she says, before jumping to conclusions. This way, you can keep your marriage intact should your suspicions be unfounded – and have substantial proof in order to confront your spouse well enough should you indeed want to do so.

About half of marriages are lost to divorce each year, according to the National Center for Health Statistics, and many marriages find their own doomsday when at least one spouse starts to cheat. The signs of a cheating spouse abound in weakly founded marriages, and sometimes, temptation gets too great for even the strongest marriages, so that one spouse that you would not imagine cheating suddenly falls prey and loses his or her grip on the marriage vows. There’s still another way to catch those cheaters: try Valentine’s Day or thereabouts, writer Ruth Houston says.

Houston, who organized the annual Valentine’s Day Infidelity Awareness Campaign, may probably be the cause of why women and men are now more vigilant when the day of hearts comes along. Houston’s book, “Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs,” have allowed more people to be more aware of how Valentine’s Day can actually be the best place to catch a cheater. Houston sees the red-letter day as the peak season of cheating – it may be the most romantic day of the year, she says, but everywhere, cheaters will be roaming in order to give and receive gifts from their “special others” during Valentine’s Day.

The dark side of Valentine’s Day, Houston claims, is rarely examined or talked about, and is often overshadowed by the media hype of romance, places to go, gifts to get, and things to do. It is for this reason that Houston conducts the campaign every year, and, for its fifth year running, the theme in 2008 is How to Catch a Cheater on Valentine’s Day. The campaign itself, Houston says, is meant to increase public awareness about how Valentine’s Day and cheating are connected; encourage spreading the word through mass and online media about how Valentine’s Day is also fraught with cheating; and to alert suspicious people on how useful Valentine’s Day can be to catch cheaters, as well as to advise these people on how to catch the cheater.

The three days that sandwich Valentine’s Day are the best time to catch the cheating spouse, Houston claims. At this time, cheaters will start buying gifts and give them to their lovers personally. These gifts will leave a paper trail in the form of receipts. Cheating women will go through great lengths – and give tons of excuses – to make themselves available for receiving gifts from their secret lovers. For more information on how to deal with such spouses once they are caught, visit Houston’s blog and website in order to find out more.

Speak of cheating, and you can basically imagine all sorts of problems. There will be constant fights between couples, there is emotional and physical detachment, and, worse, couples will simply decide to separate. After all, when a person cheats, you will absolutely destroy trust and confidence of your partner.

But do you know that cheating can also hurt your pockets too? The truth is cheating can be extremely expensive. This is because what emotions the adulterer can’t give, he or she will try to compensate it through other means.

Cheating can drain the family’s finances. For example, the wife will spend a fortune trying to look good. She will join fitness clubs, go on a diet, or spend unusual times in salons, pampering her nails and hair. She will also be busy purchasing sexier clothes and perfumes. Of course, her goal is she should always look good for her lover. Men, on the other hand, love to pamper their mistresses. And since they can’t possibly go out in well-known places, he is more than willing to spend so much in fine-dining restaurants or in areas where there are hardly any people around.

If they’re not here, then definitely there somewhere else, having the time of their lives. Definitely, a cheating spouse will indulge in vacation sprees with their lovers. After all, it’s a great method of getting away from the prying eyes of their neighbors, families, and friends. However, it will also mean travel expenses too. Your innocent partner may only have to be left dumfounded after seeing enormous charges coming from airlines. She may also be seeing bus tickets from places you have never been to.

A wife, who may be managing the finances of the family, will surely be surprised to see rising credit card fees. What’s worse, there are purchases that she can’t track down. Checking the family account, she will also notice some withdrawals of huge amounts. Other surging costs will further increase by gasoline and cellular phone expenses. This may be attributed to the sudden behavioral change of the spouse. The budget of the gasoline, which seems to be perfectly just right, will no longer be able to cover long distances traveled by the car. Moreover, not only will she observe that her husband seems to be hiding when answering phone calls, there are also calls coming from unknown numbers.

In the end, nothing comes out good from cheating. It will not just disturb the economics of the family, but a family build on lies will soon vanish into thin air.

Hansel and Gretel were led into the forest, and dropped bread crumbs so as not to lose their way. In the end, they still ended up in the clutches of a cannibalistic witch who was both the owner of a house made of candy, and who happened to be blind as a bat.

Think of your cheating man as a poor victim lost in the woods dropping bread crumbs so as not to lose his way – not that he has not lost himself already. You know that he is heading to the house of that blind-as-a-bat witch with the candy coated house; and you know that soon that witch will end up in her own fiery oven. You can at the very least, take comfort in that.

More often than not, cheating husbands are quite defensive at first. They have their guards up at a moment’s notice. They bristle when you ask questions that they assume will threaten their secret. However, as time progresses, he eventually becomes complacent, thinking that since you haven’t caught him in the act yet, you probably never will.

Cheating husbands usually make sloppy bread crumbs trail that you can follow. If you really want to build up a case against him (so as to confront him with damning evidence, without the need to hire a private eye) here are the usual telltale signs of his philandering ways.

First of all, he becomes excessively defensive; and may even accuse you of being too nosey or too paranoid when you ask the simplest questions. He might also come home later than usual; and his late nights might eventually progress to spending the weekend at the company sponsored conferences.

You might also notice circular imprints developing on his wallet. If it’s rather small, that is where he hides his wedding ring. If it’s rather wide, that is where he hides his prophylactic rubbers. You will also notice changes in the way he dresses. He may be buying flashier clothes or has gone to wearing an after shave you didn’t buy. He may even have developed the habit of carrying breath sprays or mints on him wherever he goes.

If he gets a wee bit touchy about his car, you know that you can gather more evidence there. Look out for hair samples, and smudge marks. If there’s something sticky in the back seat and it doesn’t look like it came from the regular food groups, you know something is up (in every sense of the word.) You might even find incidental no-no’s in the glove compartment like door keys which does not belong to your house, used movie stubs or receipts from expensive restaurants.

Most likely you’ll catch him in verbal slip-ups, and (for fun) you can try to mess up his head by twisting what he said so as to see if he’ll stick to his original story or go with the one you are offering. You might be surprised at how inventive your husband can get. If he can not quite keep up with the vocal sparring, he’ll resort to the safe but defensive, “why are you asking me these questions?”

You might also notice how he seems to lose interest with his job (despite the multiple out-of-town trips,) with his hobbies (despite claiming this is what he does when you are out of town,) and with you in particular (despite his insistence that he is only looking after your well-being when he says that you cannot accompany him on his trips.)

Cheating is a statistic and an institution. According to government statistics available through , cheating is common enough to be deemed practice, so that even the Morality Index  may not be shocked in the next few years. Both statistics pages look at divorce rates and annulment rates as well, and examine how America is doing on the marriage front. Findings say that the United States might no longer be all too united in the bond of marriage, with cheating reaching heights of as much as fifty percent in relationships, married or not.

So how can you tell that you have a cheater on your hands? Erratic behavior might hold the key: spouses who become defensive, emotional, and even elusive can be suspected of cheating. The private investigator will be called in, then the divorce lawyer, and then the custody battle will begin. But when technology is on the side of the cheater, can there be hope for a hurt and suspicious spouse?

According to Ruth Houston, an Infidelity expert, you can catch a cheating spouse through Valentine’s gifts.  In a press release, Houston, who is regularly called upon to talk about infidelity, says that the gifts that husbands or wives give their spouses can tell a lot if a person is cheating – and the gifts that they give their illicit lovers can leave a telling paper trail.

In particular, Houston says that a man who cheats on his wife or significant other will often buy his lover a gift come Valentine’s day, especially if he wants to remain in that same lover’s good graces. That gift will definitely leave a paper trail, and in many cases, the cheating man will go through great lengths to deliver the gift in person that Valentine’s day.

What will this paper trail consist of? These will take the form of a bank statement, an ATM withdrawal slip, a credit card bill, and that receipt of a bouquet or a box of chocolates that never really found its way onto your hands. Houston has a book, “Is he Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs,” which tells more about the signs that women should look out for when they suspect their men of cheating.

Duplicate gifts? Gifts disappearing from their hiding place and never finding their way to you? A husband or wife who is making excuses to go somewhere on Valentine’s? Are the excuses so flimsy they look like they were picked off a bad movie script? Chances are, there is a “Great Gift Exchange” happening and it may be most prevalent on the day before or the day after Valentine’s. The signs are many, and the faithful are few, so start doing your research!

Overhearing women talk about the infidelity of their husbands is no new experience. There are plenty of wives in the whole world who are being cheated on by their partners. One tale is no longer different from the other. Infidelity issues are not at all suprising. What’s even more surprising these days is to know of husbands who are incredibly passionate and loyal to their wives after such a long span of time. Such a fact of life, so to speak. You never know when your feelings for your significant other will expire. Experienced women reveal their own stories. They can tell when their husbands are cheating. Why would you not become attentive to the sudden changes in him too? After all, your husband may be no saint at all!

Some Indications of a Cheating Husband

He kisses you in a less intimate way.

He treats you with disrespect.

He shows no concern for your feelings.

He gets less interested in lovemaking.

He talks softly on the phone.

He usually has his cellular phone under his bed when he sleeps.

He goes out frequently after work, on a weekend, or long for business trips.

He goes home very late.

He’s evidently trying out things he previously never had any interest at all.

He always makes up excuses for forgetting your dinner date, anniversary, or picking you up.

Alibis, alibis, alibis.

The are just some of the common signs of cheating and the list goes on and on.

Facing the Problem of Infidelity

If your husband is no saint, then so are you. Stupidity is a NO, NO. Don’t forcibly close your eyes and be blinded by your so-called love for your husband. Don’t tolerate him because the situation may just get worse. As soon as you discover the truth to it, confront him at once. It produces a certain amount of shock in his very being once he finds out that you know his dirty little secret. Never allow yourself to suffer in silence. Likewise, don’t push him away. You need to talk it over. There’s no other better solution other than opening your communication channels. If you can still work it out, the better. But if you think it’s already a hopeless case, then let go of your grudges and don’t deprive yourselves of the chance to become happy.

Of course, it will be a lot easier to call off a marriage if you don’t have children. It’s an entirely different story if there are kids to consider. Any decision that you may arrive at must be for the welfare of your children. Remember that it you choose to part ways, settle all legalities first.

A cheating husband may become a burden to you. If you wish to lead a better and peaceful life, stop him now. Learn from the stories of the better experienced wives.

Forget the lipstick on the collar or the frequent excuses to work late.  If you really want to catch your spouse cheating, you probably don’t need to hire a private detective or sneak in a hidden camera in his car.  Use your phone.  Or more specifically, the reverse phone number lookup, currently one of the most popular tools to help you catch a cheating spouse.

When to use the reverse phone number lookup
Of course, you can only use this tool if your spouse has been conducting part of his or her affair through the phone.  If he or she has been very careful (or is using another phone you don’t know about), the reverse phone number lookup just won’t work.  You’ll need to know the called numbers first before you can do a search.

You’ll know you can use this tool if you’ve been noticing that your spouse has been receiving and making strange phone calls.  If you’ve had frequent calls that get cut each time you answer the phone, it’s probably time to check on your spouse for naughty behavior.

Ready to trace that phone number?
A reverse number lookup is basically a simple form of tracing.  You can use that suspicious phone number and trace it back to find out about the identity of the person who uses it. 

However, don’t get your hopes up yet.  It might sound easy but it’s actually far from it.  Here are several facts:

Fact #1: Phone numbers from land lines are automatically included in the directory system that is frequently used by the public.  That means a majority of the people who live in the country can be traced using a simple phone directory lookup. 

However, there’s Fact #2: For a fee, anyone can have their phone number unlisted from these public directories.  People do these regularly, especially if they don’t want people like telemarketers and their lovers’ spouses calling their numbers.

So if your spouse is cheating on you with a celebrity, a rich guy, a very important public figure or at least someone who can afford to pay the fee, you probably will not be able to perform a successful reverse number lookup.

Fact #3: If your spouse’s lover is using a cellphone, you’ll find it difficult to do a reverse number lookup.  This is because majority of the cellphone numbers used today remain unlisted.

So how can the reverse number lookup be a tool for catching a cheating spouse?  Simple.  Try the search engines and the free reverse lookup directories first.  If nothing comes up, find a reasonably priced reverse phone number lookup service to perform your search.  Just be ready, though.  You might not like what you’ll find in case you confirm your suspicions.

Cheating can be very tricky to spot, especially when it’s being done by someone clever enough to erase his tracks.  But if your spouse happens to be the type who believes in luck (or your gullibility), there are clues you’ll find in his physical appearance that tells you he or she has been cheating on you. 

Looking good
When someone cheats with another person, they often do their best to look really good.  This is to stimulate and sustain the sexual attraction.  Remember how you used to primp in front of the mirror during the early days of your courtship?

A cheating person will try to replicate the ‘glory days’ of his or her looks by suddenly becoming attentive to their clothing, hairstyle and grooming.  You’ll find plenty in their arsenal – new perfume, makeup, grooming stuff, shoes, shirts, etc. 

And these are the stuff they usually don’t wear.  You’ll know they’re cheating on you when it’s apparent that their new physical appearance was not created for your appreciation but for someone else’s.  Although changing physical appearances can be a good thing (it can put the spark back in your marriage, for one), it might be a sign of your spouse’s cheating if it’s too drastic.

Smelling something fishy?
Smell is part of a person’s physical attraction.  If you noticed, all the people you found attractive were people whose scent you liked and we’re not talking perfumes or colognes here. 

If you and your spouse have been together for sometime, you probably know them by their unique scent or even taste.  If they’ve been cheating on you, you’ll notice that there is a certain scent that has sneaked in, something unfamiliar to you.  That would probably explain why you have been feeling strange about your spouse’s unfamiliarity all of a sudden.

Marked!
Another telltale sign of cheating that involves the physical appearance of your spouse are those that appear in their body.  You’ll find unexplained scratch marks (’I hurt myself when I slipped’ or ‘I stumbled on a bed of weeds’) and even bite marks (’Honey, that was you!  You don’t remember?’)

Probably another sign that manifests in the physical appearance of your spouse are hickeys.  Love bites you didn’t leave behind are much too obvious to be passed up.  How else would you explain these intimate marks when you haven’t done them yourself?  You should probably consider your spouse cheating if he or she doesn’t have a good explanation about the appearance of those marks on their body which you did not leave behind.

It is around 10 in the evening and your lover just got home. You both sit down to have a meal together, but then you realize that he or she has not really been eating much. You then ask about his/her lack of appetite, and he or she responds with a hesitant reply of having already eaten somewhere. You then pursue the subject and ask about the said dinner, and he or she takes a little while to explain the situation. You let him/her off the hook afterwards, but then something inside you feels that something is not right at all.

The psychological aspect of cheating lovers covers more that what most would imagine. It can affect every aspect of the cheating lover, and before he or she can ever realize what is going on, his or her whole lifestyle is changing. This includes eating habits, which can say a lot about a person, much more if it is your lover.

People tend to overlook this area, though, but it does say something. For husbands, his eating habit can change during the course of an affair. He may be taking more preference in certain foods that has never occurred before. Most likely, he is conforming to the preferences of a mistress.

For wives, on the other hand, might start dieting seriously, and sometimes spending more time in the gym, all of a sudden without any apparent reason. If this is not her usual habit, then it is most likely to lose weight and become more attractive to her new suitor. This may apply to husbands as well, though, so that he can lose weight and look better as well.

It has been known, though, throughout time that people have been blamed of having an affair because of such “evidences” even though they were actually innocent. It is crucial to remember that a spouse can show the signs of infidelity, but is actually not cheating at all. Someone who does cheat, though, will take enough care to cover his or her tracks so that he or she will not get caught. It is difficult to analyze the whole situation without making a mistake.

Even though a change of eating habits may be an indicator, it cannot stand alone as evidence that your lover is being unfaithful to you. Paranoia can easily sink into your mind if you suddenly believe that he or she is showing signs of infidelity just because he or she is eating salad more or is starting to put more Worcestershire sauce on his or her food. One must be careful before speculating, and yet remain vigilant.

A slip of the tongue can usually lead to conflicts, amongst many other things, between two parties. It has caused arguments, fights, injuries, murders, and even wars. As for couples, it generally amounts to suspicion and intrigue, with cheating becoming the main concern. Whenever a spouse doubts the words and actions of his or her partner, it is then apparent that he or she will be on a lookout for signs of betrayal. Paranoia sets in and everything then turns into a chess match.
It has been found that there are a few indications in a person’s speech patterns that can tell if he or she is cheating or not. No matter what it is that he or she says, if he or she really is cheating, it would most likely be a lie. Here are some indications that will tell you than he or she is:

Signs of Betrayal in Conversations:

Fidgeting

Most of the time, when the body is in constant tension, it will indicate it through small repetitive movements, which are mostly involuntary. Usually, a person would not even realize what he or she is doing.

Aversion or Inability to Break from Eye Contact

Avoiding looking someone in the eye is usually a sign of lying. However, there are some who try to do the opposite to show otherwise, but tend to do it to the extreme.

Looking Away or Downward while Explaining Something

This is a physical sign of a person trying to dig details out of his brain, which is a good indication that he or she is making stuff up.

Losing Track of Finer Details

People who lie tend to forget little details that that could have remembered in any other situation.

Defensiveness

Liars tend to be defensive and will take offense rather easily whenever they are being blamed, even though it is neither direct nor harsh.

Mood Swings

Drastic emotional shifts are evident whenever someone is hiding something they absolutely do not want anyone else to find out about.

Changing Speech Patterns

Those who are keeping a dark secret tend to unconsciously change their speech patterns to cope with each situation whenever they are being put on the spotlight.

Physical Signs of Tension

Usually exhibited by a liar includes excessive sweating, hard breathing, uneasiness, and so on.
This list is not the most definite criteria to indicate a cheating lover, but it does give an idea on what to expect if ever such a thing does happen. One of the best ways to gather clues if it is happening are through conversation and it can help people find out what they need to know.