The letter goes on with the husband stating that he has long suspected that something fishy is going on except that he thought that his wife could not meet up with the guy because he moved away. It was also noble of him to say that he longs to stay with his wife even after the affair. He thinks that they should start over and forget what happened.

Dr. Miriam’s response was wise. She said that it is best to discuss the infidelity issue with the wife, first, before heading on to other things such as starting over. She further admonishes the husband to openly share how he feels with his wife especially when the wife slept with another man. The bottom line is, the husband should let go of all his bottled emotions and allow his wife to come out in the open before they could work on rebuilding what was destroyed.

As it is true that marriages can recover from infidelity, the process that the couple has to go through can be harrowing. First, the admission of guilt, then the process of forgiveness. It takes time—much, much time and love for the couple to come out of the ashes and move on with a fresh life. The only way sure way to finally let go of the bitter memories is to forget that they even occurred—and this is difficult.

It would also help if the spouse who did the cheating would start to account his/her activities outside of the home. This does not mean incomplete trust from the honest spouse but this would help in establishing the broken value of trust. Also, it would help if the couple would spend more romantic moments together (going out on dates such as watching movies or dining out). There are so many other ways to conquer the obstacles of a ‘near-divorce’ and yet, what remains to be the most important would always be—love. This is the single ingredient that should not be missed on the process of recovery.

Do you think it will be possible for you to remain calm and composed though you’re aware that your husband is engaged in some out of marriage mysterious act? Most women will emphatically say that there is no better way of handling these kind of men other than nagging or becoming violent towards them. Well, the intense emotions that come along with being cheated on can never be appeased in any way. But, you should also realize that you’re only going to hurt yourself, if not, your children, should you display tantrums in treating your cheating husband.

Here are some insights on how you can confidently confront such situation.

Trace the root of his infidelity. You may never accept it but you can also be at fault. When was the last time you had some bonding time together? Were you ever supportive of his endeavors? Were you always ready to lend him your ears whenever he had some problems? Were you always available for him? Did you satisfy all his cravings, needs, and wants? Did you make him feel very well appreciated? If your answer to each of the questions is a resounding NO, then most probably you know his reason for cheating on you.

Be open-minded. You’re the only wife who’s been cheated on. Some other women suffer more than you do.

Talk. Discuss your issues together. Open up your hearts and tell each other all of your insecurities and concerns. Reflect on the real score that brought your marriage on the verge of destruction.

Be calm. There’s nothing else to resort to other than staying calm and composed. Don’t go into hysteria. It will not solve the problem.

Look straight into his eyes. Tell him you know his secret. Bring him back to his senses.

Avoid further discussions. Throwing nasty remarks at each other will be traumatic for the children if they overhear you. Settle things in just one blow. Don’t sour grape every time you lay eyes on each other.

Consult the professionals. You can both attend marriage counselling and be enlightened.

Accept. Things may not turn out well but at least don’t carry the burden for a lifetime. Things happen for a reason. Getting cheated on is a fact of life.

Forgive. If it’s possible and you’re willing to do it, forgive him. You never know, things may turn out to be just fine.

Finding out your husband’s extra marital activity is a crisis that can leave you thoroughly distraught. But once you get to learn the effective ways of dealing with a cheating husband the civilized way, you’ll soon realize that there’s a way to save your day.

Unfortunately, cheating on one’s partner is a common scenario. Just take a quick review at the adamant cases of divorce filed on a day to day basis in the entire United States. Yes, cheating is one principal ground to support a divorce claim. For once, women have quite proven their empowerment. These days, not only men are the ones who cheat on their wives. Women likewise do now. Talk about the equality of sexes! But whatever root cause you might be able to dig out and whoever is caught cheating on the other, the real deal here is that the consequences of cheating are indeed costly.

Finding out that your partner has been cheating on you is undeniably a painful blow not only to your emotions but to your ego as well. The guilty person often claims that he or she never planned to cheat on his or her partner. And true indeed, most of those individuals who cheat rarely have the intention of deserting their partners. There are innumerable reasons associated with cheating. The most common ones are the following:

The person needs to feel he or she is wanted and needed. This isn’t all about sex. It’s all about the flattering feeling that the other half can’t go on without the other.

He or she has fallen out of love.

He or she needs to feel appreciated.

He or she is no longer satisfied.

He or she has lost the passion for the partner.

There’s a missing ingredient in the marriage.

There seems to be unsolved issues in the relationship.

Whatever the reason is for cheating, the general idea on this matter is that it kills the trust, admiration, and respect that you have given to your partner. Moreover, it ends up a relationship, wastes up all the good memories and sacrifices made, and leaves nothing but estrangement and hatred in the hearts of the concerned individuals.

Love is not enough to blind you from seeing the truth. You need to get back to your senses because cheating is one grave act. Forgiveness may even be far from reach especially if you’ve totally been wrecked by the experience. Fidelity is an important ingredient for a relationship to last and most of significantly, cheating is not.

Despite the fact that cheaters often look for something in someone else, and when they get it, fall in love (or lust) all over again, cheating is not always a sign that a marriage is in trouble . For instance, some husbands will engage in infidelity because they are lonely while their wives are always concentrating on raising their children; or women will cave in to the pressure of being a parent and will try to find comfort, not to mention newfound excitement, in the arms of men other than their husbands. This means that even happy marriages can be prone to the damage of infidelity.

Psychologists will often describe infidelity as yet another problem that couples have to deal with; it is more than a simple issue, however, and is sometimes termed as a crisis that calls for change on both sides of the now growing marriage divide. For instance, a husband may be weak and susceptible to female affections, and will thus keep on finding himself engaging in infidelity; in this case, he has to recognize that he has a problem and should therefore seek treatment, while his wife should know the pathological side of his cheating and should try her best to support him during his treatment. Moreover, once infidelity has occurred, the cheating spouse should not only own up to it readily, but vow to end the affair as well.

So who might be susceptible to cheating? If women are unhappy with their jobs, stay at home to work, or are bored with their lives, then they will try to find outlets that will give them a chance to feel some excitement. They may join gyms and find boyfriends, or go to the neighbors and find boyfriends, or find a way to find boyfriends while their husbands are at work, too concentrated on making money. While women are drawn to an emotional attachment, men crave the sexual side of the affair, and will thus usually engage in an extramarital affair because it gives them sexual release that they otherwise do not get from their wives .

She loves me, she loves me not.
Jenkins never got wind of his wife’s feelings for another man until he found out his wife Lisa wanted him out of her life. She had found solace in the arms of a fitness instructor from Latvia, who is younger than she is by 11 years. Now, Jenkins is being thrown out of the house and the new man is being invited in.

Although his wife has already left him and his tattoo still a permanent fixture on his back, Jenkins remains optimistic. In an interview, he reportedly said that he had enough room on his chest for more declarations of love in the future.

When the hammer hits the toe
Sometimes, being cheated on and had can backfire on the cheater. As proof, a top executive of Pepsi Bottling Group made the mistake of cheating with a young woman after meeting her online. It would have gone smoothly except that the woman was a swindler. She tried to extort $125,000 from the exec, threatening to expose him to his family, colleagues and bosses.

What’s a cheater that’s been cheated on and nearly had to do? Report the extortion to the authorities and suffer the humiliation, that’s what. His wife, however, encouraged the litigation of the swindler, saying that extortion was ‘a bad thing’.

Don’t get mad. Get optimistic.
It’s a surprising world we live in, especially when being cheated on and had doesn’t always leave people in a pool of tears. Of course, there must have been the moments of uncertainty and bitterness but not everyone ends up with an ax to grind.

If ever you’ve been cheated on and had, consider this. There’s life after your cheating spouse’s party. It might seem dark for a while, considering that a person you trusted pulled the carpet from under your feet but who loses more if you put too much time and emotions on a lost cause? Like Alan Jenkins, your spouse might still be tattooed on your back but you still have your chest to face your future with.

Wait! Before you even start thinking about the worst-case scenario, you have to think about the truth first. Maybe your spouse is always out because of work, or is aloof to you because you are not acting as nice as you think you are. Before making any conclusions as to your spouse’s fidelity (or lack of it), make sure that you are reading the signs well enough, that you know how to extract the truth from him or her – and that you are ready for the answer that may come.

Although not all the signs of infidelity are standardized or are easy to spot, there are some telltale signals that might put you on the alert and make you ready to eke the truth out of your spouse. Your spouse might suddenly be preoccupied with his or her appearance, or might join the gym and embark on a workout program. He or she might be defensive when you bring up the topic of infidelity, even if you just casually allude to it. Your sex life might change: he or she might either want more sex, or suddenly stop having sex with you.

If you recognize these, or other signs, then you can reasonably think that your spouse is in an extramarital affair. However, sudden preoccupation with fitness might only mean that your spouse is having a spate of health consciousness, and most people will truly be defensive if infidelity is brought up. Besides, you can never discount the possibility that changes in sex life may be due to a woman’s changing hormones, or a man’s impulses. However, you have a few techniques at your disposal to make your spouse own up to the affair.

First, never start off angrily, and never show suspicion. Any sign of anger or suspicion will make your spouse even more defensive. In fact, he or she might take even more stringent measures to hide the affair, if there is one!

Try reverse psychology: confess that you are cheating (even if it isn’t true) and say that you feel guilty. This might make your spouse feel guilty as well, and he or she can own up to his or her sins. However, be very careful with this tactic, as you can damage your marriage if your spouse is actually not cheating, and you unknowingly place yourself under suspicion!

In other words, do not be too suspicious, and don’t show your anger – at least not yet. Try to be kind to your spouse, and be as nice to him or her as possible. When the guilt finally gets out, you will get the answer you might be looking for.

There are actually cases of Muslim women killing their husbands out of jealousy over their new rivals. And, despite the atrocity of their doings, it is hard to avoid the assertion that what they do is a wake-up call to how polygamy cannot be accepted. What polygamy does is simply to legalize cheating – and what spouse would willingly allow her husband to cheat without losing her own head?

Polygamy as a Human Rights Issue

The concept of polygamy arises more so out of Eastern civilizations, so to combat it might allow debaters to stray into largely unstable territory. That is, in comparing the supposedly unstable polygamy of the East with the supposedly acceptable monogamy of the West, it might also lead to the assertion that the modernity of the West is tame, while the East is still steeped in barbarity.

Another issue might be the cultural nature of polygamy, which was once rampant in Africa and the Middle East. Will outlawing polygamy also damage cultures? According to Saye Gbetu of Liberia, this is not necessarily the case. In fact, polygamy simply justifies the role of women as symbols of wealth and baby making machines, further denigrating them to the status of unimportant objects.

According to Gbetu, polygamy did nothing but to open the stage for spousal abuse. Men would marry younger women because their women had flabby breasts. Men would treat women poorly because they could get as many wives as they wanted anyway. Women were “always at the mercy of men,” Gbetu asserts, so that Liberia’s bid to reinstate the legality of polygamy will simply bring the country more trouble.

What are the Disadvantages of Polygamy?

The most obvious disadvantage, perhaps, of polygamy is the greater possibility of producing more children. Provided that both the husband and all his wives are fertile, this could translate to more children than the husband can handle financially. Will the children be given enough food, enough education to set them on their way?

If the parents can handle the financial stress, then it is still no guarantee that society and the economy of the country itself can handle the larger population. Will the country have enough schools for the children, as well as enough qualified teachers? Will there be enough food to go around? Will there be enough hospitals to treat the children now, and enough jobs in the future to keep them financially stable?

Legalizing or even condoning polygamy will not curb cheating, and neither will it justify looking beyond one’s wife for more women to bed and establish relations with. Polygamy, on its own, has economic and financial consequences that go beyond its significance in cultures or even religions.

Getting jealous and cheating seem to be connected at the hip and if you’re playing safe, you’ll easily find six degrees of separation between the two. So how do you differentiate being jealous against being just territorial? And does flirting often mean someone’s cheating?

Thou shalt not go further
Determining whether someone is cheating or not should have been a lot easier were it not for emotions. If emotions were not present, the complication would not even be there.

Unfortunately, the emotion is exactly what’s at play here. In fact, it is possible for you to become emotionally involved without actually having a physical affair. This is a common mistake among couples who believe erroneously that by having a crush and nurturing it, they’re still keeping their relationship safe. What they don’t realize is that once they become emotionally attached, they’re already in the initial stage of cheating. All that they’ll need is just one little push.

When flirting ain’t cheating
Some folks are born flirts. They’ll flirt with everyone but won’t think anything of it. So let’s say you’re in a relationship and then you flirt with someone, is that grounds for your significant other to accuse you of cheating?

If you’re only flirting with no intentions to pursue the issue of attraction between you and the new person, you’re probably safe. However, if you’re flirting in order to attract or become ‘involved somewhat’, you’re treading on dangerous grounds.

Jealous excuses
People get jealous for a lot of reasons while some people are just naturally not the jealous type. This is why some men go ballistic when other guys make eye contact with their girlfriend while other men just smile or smirk, content that what they have is just another man’s dream.

So when is it okay to be jealous and when is there no grounds to worry about territories? The point of jealousy is probably self-preservation. After all, somebody’s trying to take what’s rightfully yours. But do you have sufficient basis for your feelings?

Feelings of jealousy are sometimes wasted. If your guy or girl can be trusted, why bother being jealous at all? It will only make you look like an insecure fool. Furthermore, you’ll turn into a controlling, vicious freak. If you haven’t got the reason to be jealous because your loved one loves you back, don’t turn them against you by becoming unreasonable.

However, there are times when you have to put your foot down. Try to analyze your feelings and the reasons why you’re jealous. Do you deserve to be in that situation? Remember that there’s no reason why you should be jealous unless it’s an extremely good reason. Otherwise, consider yourself as having trust issues.

Cheating and jealousy are each other’s cause and effect. If you don’t have the grounds to do it, why bother at all? It’s much more rewarding to focus on nurturing your relationship and giving your loved one the attention that he/she deserves.