April 23rd, 2008
Husband Seeks Help on Recovering After Being Cheated On
Infidelity continues to ravage through marriages year after year and the letter sent to Dr. Miriam of Mirror.co.uk only proves this further. One husband’s letter discusses how his wife cheated on him by sleeping with his past best friend. He stated that he only learned about the infidelity when his former best friend’s son told him that he saw the two sleeping together.
The letter goes on with the husband stating that he has long suspected that something fishy is going on except that he thought that his wife could not meet up with the guy because he moved away. It was also noble of him to say that he longs to stay with his wife even after the affair. He thinks that they should start over and forget what happened.
Dr. Miriam’s response was wise. She said that it is best to discuss the infidelity issue with the wife, first, before heading on to other things such as starting over. She further admonishes the husband to openly share how he feels with his wife especially when the wife slept with another man. The bottom line is, the husband should let go of all his bottled emotions and allow his wife to come out in the open before they could work on rebuilding what was destroyed.
As it is true that marriages can recover from infidelity, the process that the couple has to go through can be harrowing. First, the admission of guilt, then the process of forgiveness. It takes time—much, much time and love for the couple to come out of the ashes and move on with a fresh life. The only way sure way to finally let go of the bitter memories is to forget that they even occurred—and this is difficult.
It would also help if the spouse who did the cheating would start to account his/her activities outside of the home. This does not mean incomplete trust from the honest spouse but this would help in establishing the broken value of trust. Also, it would help if the couple would spend more romantic moments together (going out on dates such as watching movies or dining out). There are so many other ways to conquer the obstacles of a ‘near-divorce’ and yet, what remains to be the most important would always be—love. This is the single ingredient that should not be missed on the process of recovery.