To Catch Your Cheating Spouse

December 2007 was not a happy month for the celebrity couple—Tony Parker and Eva Longoria. Both have been constantly grilled about the internet scandal that came up during that month (which was, unfortunately, just a few months after their lavish wedding). The scandal put Parker and Longoria in the spotlight when a model admitted that she and Tony have an affair. She further confessed that she had known Parker since the day he got married as he was introduced to her by a common friend.

Parker immediately started legal processes against X17online.com where, he stated, the rumors began to circulate. The San Antonio Spurs star further pointed out that whoever was spreading this nasty rumor is ‘wicked’. Eva Longoria stood by her husband and never once has she pointed a finger at him and accused him of the alleged affair. The two remain very much married and there are even additional rumors that they soon will have a baby but Parker denied this, too. He said that when the time is right, he and his wife will be having the third member in their family but now that their careers are on the peak, they have yet to plan for that day.

Infidelity is common among celebrities—statistics have proven over and over that people who have more money and who are constantly in association with attractive people are more prone to extra-marital affairs. The sad part about being famous is that the money which is supposed to be used to buy happiness for the couple is not being used in that manner. Instead, the extra wealth that couples have, tend to drive them farther from each other.

Since celebrities are more prone to infidelity (fame, good looks and being surrounded by equally stunning people and adoring fans are factors to committing infidelity), they should work double time in fortifying their marriage against the destruction caused by probable divorce. It could take much more effort to stay faithful in this type of marriage but this doesn’t mean that it’s impossible.

Just like ordinary marriages, celebrity couples should spend more time with each other and should have their communication lines open. This means that anything that is lacking in their marriage should not be kept, instead, discussed in the open. Also, it is important that when they have assignments that would physically take them away from their partner, they should remember that the people that they’re going to meet up with are just business associates.

Also, acts of endearment should be constantly done (especially that they have more money than the average Joe). This means that during the times that they can spend time with each other, famous couples should invest on romantic getaways and activities together. The key to keeping celebrity marriages intact is to regularly do activities to keep the flame burning—and this means much, much more activities!

Valentine’s Day was not a good one this year for Basanti, an Indian woman who was found murdered, and allegedly because of her supposed infidelity. Basanti was found near a petrol pump. She was a resident of a slum, mother to three children, and wife to Narasingha Jena, a man who is now under suspicion for her murder. Jena, age forty-three, is said to have dumped the body of his dead wife near the area before he burned it. Basanti’s remains have now been sent to a lab for a post-mortem review.

According to the preliminary investigation, the husband killed his wife, and then tried to burn her body afterward. The man is an auto-rickshaw driver, and he married his late wife almost a decade ago. A daughter and two sons completed their family. A few months ago, he had rented out part of his house to a man named Balakrishna; this man then had an illicit relationship with Basanti. Narasingha Jena had been hitherto unaware of the affair, until he caught Basanti and Balakrishna in the act only on the night before he murdered her in anger.

Both Balakrishna and Narasingha Jena are now missing. Balakrishna, moreover, cannot be traced (http://www.telegraphindia.com/1080215/jsp/nation/story_8903059.jsp).

There are very few statistics that deal with crimes of passion, and often, people think that such crimes exist only in the movies. Sadly, the human heart being what it is, crimes of passion are still quite replete, and many persons all over the world find themselves acting crazily after witnessing their spouses committing the grave, sometimes unforgivable act of adultery. Sometimes, even suspicion can drive a good many crimes to completion.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics (available through its official website at http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/), about half of the marriages in 2001 ended in divorce. It would be wrong to assume that all these marriages ended because of cheating, but it is tempting to impute such knowledge given the abundance of cheating cases.

If you are suspicious about your husband and wife cheating on you, start looking for telltale signs first before you jump to any conclusions – and keep your temper in check or you might end up behind bars for the rest of your life! Watch out for Valentine’s Day, when your spouse might have to find dozens of excuses to meet up with his or her lover. If you confront your cheating spouse about the issue of cheating in other couples, watch for his or her reaction: supporting cheating and its different permutations might be a sign that your spouse is trying to find justification for his or her actions.

Are you suspecting that your spouse is having an extramarital affair? Are you afraid that your spouse is cheating on you and completely draining your savings to pay for his or her indiscretions? You can start looking for the signs after Valentine’s Day, says Ruth Houston, through her book “Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs.” Believe it or not, a cheating spouse can actually reveal his or her weaknesses just after hearts’ day comes along.

Houston, with her Valentine’s Day Infidelity Awareness Campaign, which happens annually, has much to say about the post-Valentine’s hoopla that can surround the concealment of an affair. You simply need to know what to look for in order to see if your spouse is indeed keeping something from you. For instance, if you discovered a hidden gift before Valentine’s Day, but it wasn’t given to you, and it also disappeared, then you can be sure that your spouse is cheating on you. If you find that your spouse purchases two identical gifts (reflected on receipts), and if you find purchase receipts for romantic gifts that you did not receive, such as lingerie or jewelry, or worse, if you find receipts for gifts that never found their way to you, then you can start suspecting that something is awry.

Husbands, if your wives have romantic gifts on hand, such as lingerie or jewelry, but have no receipt to show for it despite the fact that they claim that they bought it for themselves, then you can start suspecting something. Are you finding restaurant receipts for places that you didn’t go to on the dates leading to and immediately after the 14th? What about hotels or motels? Telephone bills with numbers you don’t know, and showing calls made on V-Day?

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, as many as half the marriages per one thousand people ended in divorce in 2001 in the US. Although not all of these involved a cheating spouse, you can suspect that some amount of cheating came into play. And although the numbers of cheating spouses is rising, Houston says that confrontation should not be the first line of defense or offense. Always look for additional proof, she says, before jumping to conclusions. This way, you can keep your marriage intact should your suspicions be unfounded – and have substantial proof in order to confront your spouse well enough should you indeed want to do so.

How easy is it to find your lover? The click of a mouse is all it takes, says this article, which tells of people who have met online because of dating sites and social networking stations built for the international arena. Thanks to profiles that provide information on everything from someone’s astrological sign to his or her favorite brand of lipstick, social networking can actually facilitate romance. The Internet has changed the face of dating and looking for a potential mate: because people are not much older when they start looking for their husbands or wives, the traditional bars and pubs just don’t cut it anymore.

On the popular Irish dating site Maybefriends.com, there are about six thousand members who range in age from their late twenties to early forties, but there are even users who are past their seventies! Another increasingly popular site is Anotherfriend.com, which claims to have over a hundred thousand registered members, and that’s just from Ireland! For some people, online dating makes it much easier to find love, especially when work entails a lot of sitting down at one’s computer.

The article mentions the case of a woman and a man who met online, and whose shared interests led them to resolve to meet each other. It turns out that they went to school together – a realization that perhaps strengthened their bond, which allowed them to eventually get married. Now, they have a child. This story is becoming more and more common around the world, as more and more singles get the chance to fall in love – but it can be an easy way for people to have an affair as well.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the year 2001 saw about half of marriages crumble into divorce. Although this is not an absolute statistic for cheating, it may be a sign that marriages are growing more and more vulnerable – and as technology advances, this downward slide may be all the more easy. In one such case, a man broke up with his girlfriend so that he could move in with a woman whom he had been having an online affair with. When he moved in with her, however, he started cheating again.

Both sexual and emotional infidelity exist online: some people will pour out their emotions to someone else, but this does not necessarily lead to a sexual follow through. In some cases, however, it does, and it can certainly break up relationships quite painfully.

Cheating is certainly not the way to go in any relationship, and it certainly isn’t the right thing to do. But according to an article, if you are a middle-aged woman who is trying to cope with a dry or unexciting marriage, then you may as well be having an affair; and if you are not giving it some serious thought, or if you do not have one already, then your behavior is unnatural.

The article mentions the case of a woman who, once her children were old enough, left her marriage and filed for divorce, and then started online dating through a special website. The article, however, qualifies that it is not praising infidelity – rather, it is seeing infidelity as natural when a marriage is dried out, and when a woman is forced to compromise her happiness in favor of security and obligation. The website itself, RSVP, has quite a number of older women looking for a second chance at love after having lived through bad marriages.

Other women in the article are truly having affairs and not filing for divorce. One is annoyed with her husband’s couch potato lifestyle, and went out to have an affair, which ended disastrously. Another woman was disappointed in her husband, and, with separate rooms from each other, she decided to revive her sex life, but with someone else. Another woman has dumped her boyfriend, leaving his cynicism behind to take up with another man. What this shows, the article says, is that women need intimacy and romance, not sex.

The article contends that women have their own mid-life crisis, in which they finally find that the children are able to fend for themselves, but they, as women, have not yet grown fully or experienced their life to the fullest. Of course, not all women are the same: there are those who are in fulfilling and happy marriages, and there are women who age well, finding ways to mend their marriages or cope with potentially dry and boring lives. And still, there is another group of women that will resort to dealing with the situation by escaping into different hobbies, such as plastic surgery, parties with friends, gossiping, and the like. The insights in the article, therefore, should not be thought of as applicable to all women.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics about half of the marriages in 2001 ended in divorce – an alarming number that is not necessarily reflective of any signs of cheating, but one that is frightening all the same.

England ace Ashley Cole has been the content of most news items recently, especially when he became so desperate that he allegedly called (many times, at that) Cheryl’s fellow band members.  This incident was said to have happened on Valentine’s Day when Cole helplessly wanted to speak with his singer wife.  It was reported that he spent several hours trying to contact his wife but the singer was adamant in not speaking with him. 

Girls Aloud band members Nicola Roberts and Kimberley Walsh were the girls that were peppered with Cole’s calls.  Cole decided calling them because Cheryl allegedly smashed her phone to pieces just so her husband would not be able to get in touch with her.  Cheryl initially wanted to stand by her husband’s side except that when she confronted him about a certain woman, he hasn’t denied it—instead, he made up excuses which further infuriated the singer.

Cheryl has long since taken off her wedding ring and the last straw was with Aimee Walton who claims that she slept with Cole.  To think things through, Cheryl has gone to Thailand and has decided not to speak to Cole just yet.

This is just another number on the list of ever-growing separated celebrity couples. It is no shocking matter in Hollywood or in the world of Sports when another couple divorces.  In fact, all the factors that trigger infidelity are in these worlds—fame, money, adulation of fans, and constant association with the most charming and successful people in the world.  And since most couples are too busy with their separate careers, their marriage falls prey to the ravages of infidelity.

The only way that a celebrity couple would ever steer clear of divorce would be to love each other passionately—none else.  The factors that trigger infidelity would always be there and to be able to stay away from being an infidel is to be in love.  There are still celebrity marriages that survive divorce—and their secret—spending the very few but valuable moments of freedom with their family. 
Celebrity couples hardly spend ‘quantity time’ with their family that is why it is highly important that when they do get the chance to be with them, this has to be a ‘quality time’.  Also, some couples have looked at pressures in show business as ways to strengthen their marriage and make them bond rather than a destroying force.  Celebrity couples should also learn to look beyond what’s ‘sexy’ and to see the real person within.  When they do get to see that person, the appreciation would be not ‘merely superficial’.   Above all, when they do get to encounter real obstacles in their marriage, most successful celebrity couples hold on to each other rather than look for help somewhere else—a wise advice this indeed is.

Nowadays, it is very important that the relationship between husband and wives are placed in check every now and then. Cheating is almost always the reason why a marriage breaks up. Infrequent are the times that the couple’s misunderstandings are enough to break a marriage. It is usually the case of a man or a woman having an affair with another.

Take the cases of Bill and Hillary Clinton and Kwame and Carlita Kirkpatrick. These two scenarios are very similar to each another. Bill and Kwame had wronged their respective wives with an illicit affair with another woman - and yet, both women are willing to forgive their husbands for reasons a lot of people don’t understand at all.

In a crude assumption, it is found out that people who had once cheated on their partners are fine with the idea of a second chance. However, for those people who had left their partners because they have cheated on them think that the women were acting like fools to have stayed with their husbands despite what happened.

But what really makes a marriage work? That is the question billions of partners around the world are asking themselves. Other people say that if you want to have a happy and loving family, you have to make sure that you know the every step and attitude of your partner. However, more than knowledge it is always what you feel for each other that makes a marriage work.

In some marriages, one partner may act like a child and the other a parent. This means that whenever the child wrongs, the parent always forgives. There are also marriages based on pure emotions. Physical gratification is never the basis for their marriage. Therefore, theirs is founded on a much deeper aspects.

There are marriages that have stemmed out of friendship. This means that the partners always end up relying on each other’s strengths, despite the misunderstandings going on between them. There are also marriages wherein both partners are always generous with forgiveness. In these cases, there is no big sin a partner can do without the other forgiving it in the long run. 

A marriage is a big mystery. It is never predictable. It is impossible to predict what storm could destroy it and what wouldn’t. Marriage is more than just the affinity of two individuals - it is their bond, their sacrifices, and their strong feelings about each other. Every marriage is different from one another. And even if other people have a chance to look at the very heart of that marriage, they will never understand what really goes into the involved partners’ mind, heart, and soul.

The question goes: is there life after betrayal? For some, the end of the problem means absolute and immediate excommunication from the offending party. For others, second (third, fourth, even multiple) chances are given to repair the marriage. If you have been the victimized by your partner’s frivolous and excessive indulgence in casual affairs, the choice whether you wish to continue on with them or not is your decision. After all, you are the one that would be living with him / her.

Unfortunately, we sometimes think that staying together is the best choice especially if we have children. You first priority here is whether or not you can continue a harmonious relationship with your companion. Staying together for your kids is noble, true – but if your home environment will prove to be toxic to both of you and your children, it would be best if you would think things through.

There is that small number of couples who are willing to put in the extra hours to salvage their marriages. Take for example, actress Kimberley Davies and her surgeon husband Jason Harvey. After a harrowing pre-divorce split, some three years back, the blonde Dancing with the Stars entrant is forging new grounds with hubby. She is even expected to bring their third child into this world come mid-August.

Jason Harvey’s five-year fling with a radiologist was highly publicized a few years ago with incriminating X-rated photos to boot. The Aussie actress, obviously seething over this misconduct, had claimed that their marriage was beyond repair. However, these days, the couple seems to be hell-bent on rebuilding their lives together and hoping to herald it with the coming of the third angel.

So is there really forgiveness after cheating? Apparently, there is. Although the emotional pain lingers somewhat and yes, there is great distrust underneath the surface – some marriages do bounce back and recover from the then irreparable damage.

For the aggrieved party, the forgiving process may be very difficult to start, and yet you know that it should be indulged in as soon as possible. You must remember that a marriage is a contract between two people – if he is willing to change to save your marriage, then so must you. Try working out solutions that will be best suitable for your family. Do not try to pretend that the incident never happened because denying it will only bury the hurt deeper. Address the issue if you can and never when you are both in non-accommodating moods. Although men are physically stronger, it is the women who are more emotionally stable (despite what many people may think.) Men are really boys, and they need as much attention as your two-year-old or your seven-year-old. Try a bit of quality time for just you and your spouse. Sometimes, that alone works wonders already.

Last January 23, 2008 an online news article from South Africa’s Sowetan declared that a 32 year old woman supposedly jumped into Kaal River after her husband confronted her of an affair she was having. Allegedly, Ntembiso Mneno said farewell to her son before taking the plunge, literally. The local police have yet to find any evidence of her body after she supposedly jumped into the river in the Ivory Park.

According to the news report, her husband, Silence Masuku, had sniffed her out and confronted her about it on a Thursday night. The next day, however, Mneno went to work as usual but came home early. She then bade goodbye to her son and announced that the 10 year old will probably never see her again. According to Masuku, he and his son had tried to stop Mneno but failed to catch her in time.

If there is one theme that resonates from this story, it’s the fact that people who have extra marital affairs are usually unhappy in their present situations – and finding someone else outside the marriage is a vindication that they still deserve a bit of happiness in their lives. Nonetheless, having a romance beyond the confines of your own marriage poses more problems, and thereby giving the participants more cause for unhappiness.

There are many reasons why people cheat on their spouses, and it’s usually not a case of being a natural-born philanderer. Although, there are people who say that as a species, we are not born monogamous and that our physiological evolution dictates that we should sow as much wild oats as possible. However, the more sensible and common explanation of spousal cheating is that our partners are no longer happy in the relationship; that they feel lonely; that something has gone from the marriage; and that they have found someone else who has given them a new spark to romance.

You should know that cheating on your spouse is inexcusable, and no amount of reasoning can justify your actions. On the other hand, if you belong to the other end of the spectrum, you should take hold of the fact that no matter how your partner rationalizes his misdeed, there is no exonerating him or her.

More often than not, human nature dictates that the offending party will blame his or her affair on the non-cheating partner. It is a way of shifting the blame and making the innocent one feel guilty and inadequate.

Here is a list of the so-called excuses for spousal cheating. And if you hear this from your partner, take no heed.

This is your fault: I’m not happy with you anymore. You spend more time with your friends than with me. You never hear me, see me or want to be with me anymore. You keep ignoring me. You’ve changed. Etc.

This is just my thing: Its not you, honey, it’s me. I just need some room to breathe. I just wanted to try it, but I still love you. I just wanted the fit in with the gang, all the guys were doing it. I’m sorry, it just happened. I didn’t do this to hurt you, I swear. Etc.

Grass is greener on the other side: It was the best sex I’ve had, you never gave me that. He / she is so addictive, I can’t seem to stop. I still come home to you, don’t I? I swear, this is nothing, this doesn’t mean anything. Its research, I knew he or she will be lousy in bed. We only had a couple of drinks… Etc.

We’ve reached a matrimonial road block: What… this marriage is going to the dogs. We’ve lost it. I don’t love you, I don’t want you, I can’t stand you anymore. We never really meshed well together. You forced me into this situation. I can’t live like this for the rest of my life. Etc.

It’s true that in a relationship, cheating is difficult enough to catch, and even more difficult to prove beyond reasonable doubt, because people can be sneaky like heck. But when the offending party tries to shift the blame on you just so they could justify their actions is an altogether different matter.

In India, the Domestic Violence Act was enacted last October 26, 2006. This prevents male inhabitants from harassing the women sharing his home. This law is supposed to be for the protection of wives, mothers, sisters, mother-in-laws, or any female relatives living with a man. The law covers abuses against women in the forms of: emotional, physical, sexual and verbal tirades. Asking for dowry money, preventing women from working outside the home or forcing them to leave jobs all constitute domestic abuse.

Recently, in Kerala, Thiruvananthapuram the local courts cleared a partially-disabled man from the domestic abuse charges petitioned by the man’s wife. Initially, the “aggrieved” wife claimed that her husband physically abused her, had insulted her in public and had forced her to give up custody of their child (among many things.)

It turns out that all the allegations were false, and that the woman had filed the charges against her estranged husband so as to cover up her affair with her boss. Apparently, the husband stumbled across her illicit romance and the woman came up with these charges so as to counter any possible criminal proceedings that might be filed against her and her lover.

Cheating is definitely ugly, but when a vengeful partner turns on you so as to justify his or her actions, then you should know when to put up defenses. Of course, the best possible defense is safeguarding yourself on the onset. You should be able to tell whether your partner is cheating on you or not.

Here are some classic signs of your wife cheating on you. One: she suddenly goes on the pill when you already had a vasectomy a few years back. Two: she goes on more frequent grocery trips and it takes her longer to get home. Three: she is excited to take calls from someone in the office when previously, she hated this intrusion. Four: she is spending more and more money on lingerie you don’t get to see on her. Five: she has a new e-mail add, and a separate cell phone account and she intentionally doesn’t let you know (claims it’s for business purposes.) Six: she suddenly doesn’t value your advice anymore.

Here are some classic signs of your husband cheating on you. One: he starts carrying condoms in his wallet, and even buys a box load on a weekly basis but he never uses one at home. Two: you find alien stuff on his clothes and stuff like: a strand of hair that’s not your color; feminine scent on him that’s not yours; smudges of lipstick on his shirt, etc. Three: he clears your kids’ stuff from the car and insists that it should be in your car anyway. Four: he’s always doing over time, but for some unexplained reason he is never in his office while doing so. Five: he takes extra measures to look good; he exercises more; he buys himself a whole new wardrobe; she splashes more cologne than usual or shifts to a different kind of after shave. Six: he wants to try different and unusual positions in bed – stuff he was never comfortable with but is now more than eager to try.