To Catch Your Cheating Spouse

Forget the lipstick on the collar or the frequent excuses to work late.  If you really want to catch your spouse cheating, you probably don’t need to hire a private detective or sneak in a hidden camera in his car.  Use your phone.  Or more specifically, the reverse phone number lookup, currently one of the most popular tools to help you catch a cheating spouse.

When to use the reverse phone number lookup
Of course, you can only use this tool if your spouse has been conducting part of his or her affair through the phone.  If he or she has been very careful (or is using another phone you don’t know about), the reverse phone number lookup just won’t work.  You’ll need to know the called numbers first before you can do a search.

You’ll know you can use this tool if you’ve been noticing that your spouse has been receiving and making strange phone calls.  If you’ve had frequent calls that get cut each time you answer the phone, it’s probably time to check on your spouse for naughty behavior.

Ready to trace that phone number?
A reverse number lookup is basically a simple form of tracing.  You can use that suspicious phone number and trace it back to find out about the identity of the person who uses it. 

However, don’t get your hopes up yet.  It might sound easy but it’s actually far from it.  Here are several facts:

Fact #1: Phone numbers from land lines are automatically included in the directory system that is frequently used by the public.  That means a majority of the people who live in the country can be traced using a simple phone directory lookup. 

However, there’s Fact #2: For a fee, anyone can have their phone number unlisted from these public directories.  People do these regularly, especially if they don’t want people like telemarketers and their lovers’ spouses calling their numbers.

So if your spouse is cheating on you with a celebrity, a rich guy, a very important public figure or at least someone who can afford to pay the fee, you probably will not be able to perform a successful reverse number lookup.

Fact #3: If your spouse’s lover is using a cellphone, you’ll find it difficult to do a reverse number lookup.  This is because majority of the cellphone numbers used today remain unlisted.

So how can the reverse number lookup be a tool for catching a cheating spouse?  Simple.  Try the search engines and the free reverse lookup directories first.  If nothing comes up, find a reasonably priced reverse phone number lookup service to perform your search.  Just be ready, though.  You might not like what you’ll find in case you confirm your suspicions.

If you ask relationship experts about the reasons why people cheat, they can probably come up with a few hundred motives.  Now, let us add one more: websites that cater to couples who are thinking of cheating or are already in extramarital affairs.  Websites such as AdultFriendFinder, Meet2Cheat and Ashley Madison have not-so-discreetly advertised their services.  In Toronto, for example, a company offering similar services even put out a billboard trumpeting, ‘Life is short.  Have an affair.’  The question is, should you?

Having services such as those mentioned can seem like great excuses for cheating spouses to find their fill of extramarital satisfaction.  Sure, life is short.  But really, should you have an affair?  Here are reasons why you might want to and reasons why you shouldn’t:

Have an affair because…

It’s a good ego-booster. 
Men and women who no longer feel wanted or desired by their spouses want to validate their looks and personal values by having affairs.  They find the love, attention and desire from other people that they don’t get from their significant other.  Unfortunately, they still look the same.

It’s exciting and sexy.
People who have affairs report they feel sexier and that they find the sneaky part of their relationship very exhilarating and exciting.

You can improve your progeny.
Birds do it.  So do many other members of the animal kingdom.  People who have affairs to do their descendants a favor by stirring up the otherwise bland gene pool are quite rare.  However, that’s still a good excuse why you should have an affair.  Hey, life is short, right?  Might as well produce really strong, great looking babies while you’re at it.

Be faithful to your spouse because…

An affair isn’t worth it.
Forget about the ego boost.  An affair is just that – a temporary thing.  Unfortunately, its effects can last a lifetime.  Imagine meeting that person again in public or finding out later that you’ll be working together or that they’re your spouse’s friend from college.  Or they could be stalkers and really deranged.

Your marriage is worth saving… and enjoying.
Hey, you married the person.  Might as well work on it because it’s an investment you made.  Besides, who else can stand your little quirks and bad habits except for your spouse?  Your lover certainly won’t.

It’s cheaper.
Life is too short to spend too much for a thing that won’t last.  All those flowers, jewelry, expensive gifts and extra minutes on the phone can add up to thousands of dollars.  Be faithful to your spouse and put the money in good stocks instead.

It’s healthier.
Think STD.  People who trumpet that life is short and that they should have an affair make it even shorter by contracting dreaded sexually transmitted diseases.  By remaining faithful to your spouse, you minimize (even eliminate) the likelihood that you could come home with bacteria and viruses in tow.

Used to be that cheating carried with it a social stigma.  If you look back at the last thousand or so years of our history, you’ll find stories of people being stoned, ostracized by society and even put to trial and subsequent public humiliation because they were unfaithful.  These days, however, some cheaters can actually strut in the streets and even talk about their affairs openly.  There are even some whose behavior is being encouraged on books, film and even social networks online encouraging infidelity.

Enjoy your life. Cheat?
According to some statistics, about 50% of women are unfaithful to their husbands at least once in their lives.  With men, the figure is at 70%. Although most people still view the act of cheating as a sneaky affair that’s best kept hidden, people are flaunting it, or are at least promoting the concept of infidelity.

Case in point: the rising number of websites that cater to married people who are cheating, want to cheat or are thinking of cheating.  Perform a simple search online and you’ll find forums, discussion boards, even dating sites for ’swinging couples’, ‘married or looking’ and ‘married and flirting’.  So what’s the problem here?

Writer Randy Hicks wrote a commentary about infidelity social networks and websites on WebPal.com.  However, instead of attacking the concept of allowing cheaters to meet fellow cheaters, Hicks told the story of a woman who knew firsthand what infidelity is and what it did to her, her family and her life.

In her piece, the woman wrote about how infidelity wrecked her marriage and family and made her lose a sense of her own self.  She regretted the fact that she had exchanged a temporary thing for what she later realized was the important part of her life – her family.

Infidelity made easy
Infidelity social networks are multiplying, thanks in part to the ’success’ of sites such as Meet2Cheat.com and AshleyMadison.com.  The fact that communicating through the internet is fast and easy also helps encourage people to join these social networks. 

Not only that, other venues frequently used online are fast becoming the means with which people commit infidelity.  Chat rooms and instant messaging are just two of these examples.

Infidelity and the freedom of choice
If you look at the very basic thing about these websites which are encouraging extramarital affairs, you’ll probably find that they really are based on the premise that ‘it’s a free country and I’m free to choose whether or not I cheat’.  Unfortunately, it also questions the very basic foundation upon which we have built our society – pure, simple decency.

So what does the future hold for infidelity social networks?  By the looks of it, as long as people find a reason to cheat, these sites will continue to thrive.  Until someone finds a way to legally shut them down or cheaters finally wake up, there is no way infidelity social networks will be stopped.

Miscommunication is a major cause of infidelity.  However, it is also a product of other problems inherent in the marriage.  Couples who refuse to see eye to eye, for example, or those who ‘read’ too much into their partner’s behavior, often end up jumping into conclusions that are unwarranted and invalid.  The result?  Ineffective exchanges that lead to bitter fights and emotional pain.

Everything is communication
If you look at how the world works, one of the most basic components that move it is the way we all communicate.  In fact, the most fundamental structures in our society such as marriage and family, rely heavily on communication. 

Individuals speak to one another using verbal and nonverbal cues.  Words work but then there are also the facial expressions, actions and gestures that relay what we wish to express. 

With so many venues with which to communicate, is it any wonder why some things don’t always get said the way they should?  The way things are said or gestured and how they are received can impact understanding.  This then leads to miscommunication.

Infidelity and miscommunication
‘My spouse doesn’t understand me at all.’
‘We’re never on the same page.’
‘It’s hard for him/her to see it my way.’

Do these words sound familiar?  You don’t have to be a practicing psychiatrist or psychologist to hear these statements.  Married people, especially those experiencing some troubled times for their marriage, say these words.  Some, who are on the verge of infidelity, may even make similar declarations more frequently. 

So how does miscommunication work against a good marriage and encourage infidelity? 
One reason why miscommunication can lead to infidelity is because people inherently feel appreciated if they are understood. 

Emotions are very strong influences in people.  When they feel involved in a miscommunication, they often go on the defensive.  They will try to protect themselves by declaring that they’re right and the other person was wrong.  Or, they could say that the other person just got them wrong.

Regardless, the end result remains the same: feelings of bitterness, hurt, being unappreciated.  If pushed further, some people might even turn to infidelity, finding solace in someone else other than their spouses and family.  Because of miscommunication, some people can be driven to find other people who will understand them, listen to them or at least, ‘get’ what they mean.

Miscommunication is a two-way event.  It is also an imperfect process, in that there are certain components that may be twisted in order to produce a more desirable effect.  Couples who are able to overcome their problems with miscommunication early are more likely to prevent infidelity.  Couples who don’t might find themselves using it as an excuse.

Cheating can be very tricky to spot, especially when it’s being done by someone clever enough to erase his tracks.  But if your spouse happens to be the type who believes in luck (or your gullibility), there are clues you’ll find in his physical appearance that tells you he or she has been cheating on you. 

Looking good
When someone cheats with another person, they often do their best to look really good.  This is to stimulate and sustain the sexual attraction.  Remember how you used to primp in front of the mirror during the early days of your courtship?

A cheating person will try to replicate the ‘glory days’ of his or her looks by suddenly becoming attentive to their clothing, hairstyle and grooming.  You’ll find plenty in their arsenal – new perfume, makeup, grooming stuff, shoes, shirts, etc. 

And these are the stuff they usually don’t wear.  You’ll know they’re cheating on you when it’s apparent that their new physical appearance was not created for your appreciation but for someone else’s.  Although changing physical appearances can be a good thing (it can put the spark back in your marriage, for one), it might be a sign of your spouse’s cheating if it’s too drastic.

Smelling something fishy?
Smell is part of a person’s physical attraction.  If you noticed, all the people you found attractive were people whose scent you liked and we’re not talking perfumes or colognes here. 

If you and your spouse have been together for sometime, you probably know them by their unique scent or even taste.  If they’ve been cheating on you, you’ll notice that there is a certain scent that has sneaked in, something unfamiliar to you.  That would probably explain why you have been feeling strange about your spouse’s unfamiliarity all of a sudden.

Marked!
Another telltale sign of cheating that involves the physical appearance of your spouse are those that appear in their body.  You’ll find unexplained scratch marks (’I hurt myself when I slipped’ or ‘I stumbled on a bed of weeds’) and even bite marks (’Honey, that was you!  You don’t remember?’)

Probably another sign that manifests in the physical appearance of your spouse are hickeys.  Love bites you didn’t leave behind are much too obvious to be passed up.  How else would you explain these intimate marks when you haven’t done them yourself?  You should probably consider your spouse cheating if he or she doesn’t have a good explanation about the appearance of those marks on their body which you did not leave behind.

Is Christmas a good time for your mate to cheat?  Ruth Houston, head and founder of the infidelity watch website InfidelityAdvice.com, says yes.  And it’s a good time for you to catch them at it, too.  Houston has written the definitive manual for catching cheaters, ‘Is He Cheating on You?’ which details not just 101 but over 800 ‘telltale signs’ that a lover may not be that faithful.  Recently, she offered more advice to partners who suspect that their mate is sowing some wild oats on the side.  ‘Tis the season to be jolly?  Probably not, if you see these signs on your mate:

1.  You found a Christmas gift that you presumed was yours until it disappeared on Christmas Day.
Maybe you did the snooping deliberately or maybe you came across the gift by accident.  Whichever, you just assumed that the gift was intended for you.  However, Christmas Day came and went and there’s no sign of the gift.  It somehow disappeared and you see no signs of it in your family members – not in your mother, father, siblings, children or even aunts. 

Gifts like these are often purchased on the sly, with buyer having the intention to give the gift to someone else, other than you.  If your spouse or partner is trying to win over a boss or a client, that should explain the gift but then, he should have told you that in the first place.  If the gift is unexplained, it could be a sign your mate is cheating on you.

2.  You found a receipt for not one but two gifts that are exactly the same.
Some cheating spouses are lazy enough not to give much thought to their purchase.  Some of them might actually be having an affair with a person who has the same tastes as you.  This will probably explain why your mate will buy identical gifts – one for you and one for the other man or woman.

Check the receipt to see if the gifts are truly one and the same.  If the gift is to be given to another member of your family, that’s probably okay but if it’s unaccounted for, be wary.

3.  A thank you note for a Christmas gift you knew nothing about.
Another after-Christmas sign that your mate is cheating is that sweet, short thank-you note from the recipient of his generosity.  If your spouse is planning on giving an innocent or well-intentioned gift to another person (man or woman), he should tell you about it.  If he/she keeps it a Christmas secret, there must be a good reason for it.  Otherwise, he/she should have mentioned it to you.

4.  You discover personal gifts to another person.
Personal gifts are stuff that are a bit intimate, personalized or expensive.  Stuff like intimate apparel, lingerie or even jewelry.  Fine if they are headed in your direction but if they make a U-turn to arrive on someone else’s lap, Houston says it could be a sign your mate is cheating.  Sure, Christmas is a time for giving but for those kinds of gifts, your spouse better have a good explanation.

5.  You find expensive gifts that your spouse receives.
If your spouse is an important person, you’re probably used to seeing them receive some expensive stuff – from a boss, a client, a business partner, etc.  However, if that expensive gift seems out of place (your mate doesn’t have a generous boss, can ill-afford to pay for the item or doesn’t have a rich cousin in Alaska), ask where the gift was from.  If your partner claims they bought it themselves, they should be able to produce a receipt or some proof that they did.

6.  Credit card statements showing purchase of gift items you never received.
This will come later, but infidelity expert Houston says it’s a clear after-Christmas sign that you have a cheating mate.  Gifts of this kind are usually expensive, which explains why they were charged to your spouse’s credit card.  If you didn’t receive them, who did?

It is sad that such a thing actually exists. It keeps people from going beyond their loneliness and makes them shun the people around them in order to protect themselves from pain. What can only be done afterwards is to stay inside one’s hole and never come out. Those who are one of the most susceptible of this seclusion are those who have experienced the horrors of being cheated on. What more can be said about them other than the fact that they have seen it with their own eyes?

Signs of betrayal have been discussed about numerous times throughout human history. If cheating was a disease, there would definitely be symptoms. Numerous sources from the Internet and from the rest of the world have compiled list after list of possible signs of this.

The unfaithfulness of a spouse has always been a hot topic, so much that even murders have been involved. This is an issue that really raises tempers and emotions.

Common Signs of a Spouse’s Infidelity

1. He or she seems bored with you and the whole family, as well as in life itself.
2. Either he or she is not as good in bed or is trying out new stuff in sex all of a sudden.
3. He or she starts coming home late.
4. He or she tends to be very defensive and emotional with issues like affairs and infidelities.
5. Communication problems start to sprout out.
6. Your spouse is being jumpy all of a sudden.
7. Expenses made by your spouse in bills that apparently do not make sense.
8. Sudden increased interest in his or her appearance.
9. Sudden changes in behavior, attitude, personal beliefs, habits, and speech patterns.
10. He or she is seemingly more secretive than before.
11. Phone calls are coming and going more often.2
12. He or she is using the computer more often that is not business related.
13. Shifts the blame away from him or her, telling you that you do not know what you are talking about.
14. He or she seems to argue with you more, and reactions seem to be more dramatic.

Basically, the main thing to look for is sudden changes in him or her. However, there are so many signs of such activities that can come from a significant other that sometimes that it can be unavoidable for mistakes to be made. One must be careful as to how he or she will approach the issue. Without any proper discretion, a relationship or marriage may needlessly end without him or her actually having anything to do with infidelity.

Most people may think that their spouses may leave them for individuals that resemble Adonis or Aphrodite, or stuff like that. The truth is that lovers leave for others who give them that comfort that has seemingly disappeared from the marriage. The reason why people cheat is because they can never be static in their lives for long. They will want to feel that love, and if they cannot get it from their spouses, they can and will look for it elsewhere.

It may be being such a sneak, but in these times, it does tend to happen. Statistics show that more and more spouses cheat on their partners one way or another, and there are no gender restrictions. Both male and female suffer the same fate with their lovers as they finally realize that they are not the purest of people and that temptation truly is irresistible.

There have been numerous cases throughout the world where people have bee caught cheating by their partners, which almost always results in a big fight and a tragedy to come. How they were caught, though, are either by a slip of the tongue, a discovered love letter, a text message gone astray, a phone call that was made at the wrong time, or the worst-case scenario, which is getting caught in the act. But as with the advance of technology comes new ways to check and see if your beloved one is actually two-timing.

Some Methods of Electronic Espionage on One’s Spouse:

Hidden Camera

This is the device that is most commonly thought of for this. This requires planning, though, since you have to set it up at a place where they habitually intimate in so that you can catch them in the act. Cameras are used so that there would be irrefutable evidence of the spouse’s infidelity. Sometimes, though, a camera may record an act of unfaithfulness accidentally.

Tracking Device

You can use this by planting it in a car or in your spouse’s belongings. Most of these gadgets are of GPS technology and can be plugged into a computer via USB once retrieved to look at the data3. This information then can be used to figure out what your spouse is doing and the places that he or she goes to. Once with this information, you can now track him or her down and continue investigation.

Keylogger

The computer may be used by him or her to conduct such activities. With the use of a keylogger, you can know what he or she is typing into the computer to get a clue into what he or she is doing online. Since history records in it can be erased, you will need something else that only you would know of. These keyloggers are available as either hardware or software all over the Internet.

Looking at His or Her Phone

Another case of using electronic devices to see if one is cheating is a bit cruder than the previous methods mentioned, but there have been multitudes of cases in which this has occurred. Looking into a spouse’s cellular phone, either intentionally or accidentally, can yield evidence of a cheating spouse. There can be a message from an outside lover, records of a phone call, phone number that looks suspicious, and so on. Digital technology has made cheating easier in more ways than one. This also holds true with any other handheld electronic device.

It is around 10 in the evening and your lover just got home. You both sit down to have a meal together, but then you realize that he or she has not really been eating much. You then ask about his/her lack of appetite, and he or she responds with a hesitant reply of having already eaten somewhere. You then pursue the subject and ask about the said dinner, and he or she takes a little while to explain the situation. You let him/her off the hook afterwards, but then something inside you feels that something is not right at all.

The psychological aspect of cheating lovers covers more that what most would imagine. It can affect every aspect of the cheating lover, and before he or she can ever realize what is going on, his or her whole lifestyle is changing. This includes eating habits, which can say a lot about a person, much more if it is your lover.

People tend to overlook this area, though, but it does say something. For husbands, his eating habit can change during the course of an affair. He may be taking more preference in certain foods that has never occurred before. Most likely, he is conforming to the preferences of a mistress.

For wives, on the other hand, might start dieting seriously, and sometimes spending more time in the gym, all of a sudden without any apparent reason. If this is not her usual habit, then it is most likely to lose weight and become more attractive to her new suitor. This may apply to husbands as well, though, so that he can lose weight and look better as well.

It has been known, though, throughout time that people have been blamed of having an affair because of such “evidences” even though they were actually innocent. It is crucial to remember that a spouse can show the signs of infidelity, but is actually not cheating at all. Someone who does cheat, though, will take enough care to cover his or her tracks so that he or she will not get caught. It is difficult to analyze the whole situation without making a mistake.

Even though a change of eating habits may be an indicator, it cannot stand alone as evidence that your lover is being unfaithful to you. Paranoia can easily sink into your mind if you suddenly believe that he or she is showing signs of infidelity just because he or she is eating salad more or is starting to put more Worcestershire sauce on his or her food. One must be careful before speculating, and yet remain vigilant.

A slip of the tongue can usually lead to conflicts, amongst many other things, between two parties. It has caused arguments, fights, injuries, murders, and even wars. As for couples, it generally amounts to suspicion and intrigue, with cheating becoming the main concern. Whenever a spouse doubts the words and actions of his or her partner, it is then apparent that he or she will be on a lookout for signs of betrayal. Paranoia sets in and everything then turns into a chess match.
It has been found that there are a few indications in a person’s speech patterns that can tell if he or she is cheating or not. No matter what it is that he or she says, if he or she really is cheating, it would most likely be a lie. Here are some indications that will tell you than he or she is:

Signs of Betrayal in Conversations:

Fidgeting

Most of the time, when the body is in constant tension, it will indicate it through small repetitive movements, which are mostly involuntary. Usually, a person would not even realize what he or she is doing.

Aversion or Inability to Break from Eye Contact

Avoiding looking someone in the eye is usually a sign of lying. However, there are some who try to do the opposite to show otherwise, but tend to do it to the extreme.

Looking Away or Downward while Explaining Something

This is a physical sign of a person trying to dig details out of his brain, which is a good indication that he or she is making stuff up.

Losing Track of Finer Details

People who lie tend to forget little details that that could have remembered in any other situation.

Defensiveness

Liars tend to be defensive and will take offense rather easily whenever they are being blamed, even though it is neither direct nor harsh.

Mood Swings

Drastic emotional shifts are evident whenever someone is hiding something they absolutely do not want anyone else to find out about.

Changing Speech Patterns

Those who are keeping a dark secret tend to unconsciously change their speech patterns to cope with each situation whenever they are being put on the spotlight.

Physical Signs of Tension

Usually exhibited by a liar includes excessive sweating, hard breathing, uneasiness, and so on.
This list is not the most definite criteria to indicate a cheating lover, but it does give an idea on what to expect if ever such a thing does happen. One of the best ways to gather clues if it is happening are through conversation and it can help people find out what they need to know.