Is Marital Infidelity Caused by a Split Self?

Marriage requires a little bit of sacrifice from both partners. Sometimes, this can be easily achieved through compromise, where both couples agree about the type and extent of what they are willing to give up for their relationship. This often works well and many married couples enjoy a healthy and happy relationship because of this. However, there are also partnerships where only one partner is working to make their marriage work and this is where trouble begins. This situation is called the ’split self’ and is considered as one of the top causes of marital infidelity.

‘I will make this marriage work. You just sit there.’
Marriage is a partnership and is expected to be as such. A split self situation is when one spouse ignores his/her needs in favor of the partner, the relationship or even the family. This may occur due to a variety of reasons, such as when one spouse is the sole breadwinner and his/her needs, dreams and ambitions must be fulfilled for the success of the family or when one spouse’s ambitions are considered greater than his partner’s.

Although in some marriages, especially in societies where one spouse (usually the man) is expected to be the sole provider for the family, this usually works. In this case, no split self situation occurs and neither is there a danger of marital infidelity happening. However, this is not always true.

The trouble with a split self
A person can only go so far in terms of remaining submissive to his/her partner’s wants and needs. In a split self situation, the failure of the submissive spouse to have his/her needs met may begin to cause him/her feelings of neglect and being undervalued in the relationship. In order to fulfill these needs, he/she might seek validation elsewhere, usually by committing marital infidelity.

One characteristic of the split self affair is that it is not usually a fling and very rarely, a one-night stand. Most of these affairs become serious, long-term relationships. Ultimately, a time will come when the cheating partner will have to choose between his/her lover and the spouse.

The emotional stress the split self affair brings can be quite troublesome. In a way, a justification of the affair is sometimes made because the cheating spouse had felt neglected and his/her needs suppressed. By being involved in an affair, the cheating partner feels that his/her emotional needs are addressed.

A split self affair can easily be a cause of marital infidelity because an affair can meet the needs of the emotional self, which usually remains neglected in the marriage. As a result, an extramarital affair becomes logical and difficult to resist.

References used:
http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/haworth/jcrt/2005/00000004/F0020002/art00007
http://www.affairs-help.com/types.html
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/zforum/national/infidelity0901.htm