Can Low Self Esteem Lead to Infidelity?

People do it for sexual gratification or they do it because of love. Sometimes, they will do it for the thrill, the conquest, even the money. But to boost a low self-esteem? If you think people with little self-confidence will not be unfaithful to their spouses, you’d be surprised. A low self-esteem is one of the reasons people engage in extramarital affairs.

Cheating spouses have come a long way since the publication of Alfred Kinsey’s research about sex. In 1953, half of married men and only about a quarter of married women surveyed admitted they had been involved in an extramarital affair before the age of 40. Decades later, the number seems to be evening out, with women under 40 also as likely as men to become unfaithful.

A quest for validation
A low self-esteem can be tricky, particularly because it can be inherent in a person prior to the marriage. A false perception that getting married will ‘fix’ things only serves to make matters worse.

This is particularly true if the validation or ‘boost’ to the low self-esteem of one partner is difficult to find in the marriage. If his/her spouse fails to recognize this need and ignores it, the resentment can grow and so will the low self-esteem.

Something as being complimented for their cooking or career instead of their looks on a regular basis can make some people question their attractiveness. They will begin to ask, ‘Does she still want me?’ or ‘Does he still see me as a woman?’ or ‘Am I still wanted?’

Although some people can overcome this, there are others who obsess about it. A small gesture, look, laugh or frown may be interpreted as an invalidation of worth. When another person appears and shows interest in the qualities the spouse neglects, it becomes easier to seek fulfillment with this person as a lover.

A cycle to nowhere
Another reason why a low self-esteem can be a cause of infidelity is when a spouse cheats. When the other finds out, he/she might question his/her own attractiveness, desirability and worth as a spouse. Either as a way to exact revenge or boost the low self-esteem as a result of the other spouse’s affair, a person might begin his/her own extramarital relationship.

Speaking to the ego
Probably one of the biggest mistakes people make in a marriage is neglecting their spouse’s physical and emotional needs. This usually happens in relationships were familiarity is the norm and people tend to simply assume that their partner understands their action or in this case, inaction. A low self-esteem can lead to infidelity and the more it is neglected, the stronger the justification to seek fulfillment elsewhere becomes.

Additional references:
http://www.aamft.org/families/Consumer_Updates/Infidelity.asp
http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/couples/heartaches_affairs.shtml