The Cheating Mess

It is a fact that need not even be re-stated: cheating can mess lives up. The lives we are talking about here belong not only to the husband and wife, but to their children, to the “other persons” in the affair, to family members and friends who will be alienated by the ensuing emotional impact of the cheating. According to studies, about half of all married men and women have engaged at least once in an extramarital affair.

This means that half of nearly all families might have been messed up by the evils of infidelity.Problems can begin and be as simple (!) as a sexually transmitted disease, or pregnancy of the “other woman” or cheating wife.

First of all, trust is the first thing that is broken in a marriage when cheating happens. Marriage is a lifelong commitment that entails faithfulness of both spouses to each other, whether they are happily living together, or are separated because of circumstances. Infidelity tears this trust asunder, and it can be difficult to mend. No matter what the cheating spouse does or says, the cheated spouse will find it hard to believe what he or she says.

The children will also find that they have been lied to by one or both parents, and they will realize that the time that their parent or parents spent away from them was also time spent with the lover. This can damage a child’s self-esteem and give birth to resentment; a cheating spouse will therefore find it harder, almost impossible to rekindle his or her relationship with his or her children.

Even when the affair is over, an affair will leave a tense atmosphere in the house. The lack of trust remains, giving rise to more arguments and suspicion. This hostile environment can take its toll on the children, who will find their self-esteem disintegrating; the cheated spouse will also feel the same, and will find himself or herself sinking fast into depression. In some cases, the cheated spouse will engage in self-destructive activities, which can be as simple as refusing to take care of his or her physical appearance, and as difficult as self-mutilation.

Further down the line, children may blame themselves for their parent’s or parents’ infidelity: they will think that they are not good enough for one or both parents to be faithful, and they can unconsciously, often unwillingly take their cheating parents as examples for future behavior. Girls with adulterous fathers will find it harder to trust men, or she may be hostile toward them. Boys with adulterous mothers will have no respect for women and will often resent them.

These changes are only the beginning of the mess. Public figures have to deal with destroyed reputations, while private citizens have to deal with being pariahs in society. Adultery can truly mess up things, and keep them that way for a good long while!