Avoiding the Fight: Why this Can Cause Marital Infidelity

No matter where you are in the world, whether in the jungles of Africa or the urban sprawl of a major city, and whether you are looking at human husbands and wives or animal couples, the scenario is the same.

People fight

Couples fight. No matter how much they love each other, no matter how many years of marriage they have with each other, if something has to be argued about, it will be argued about. A fight is not the sign of an unhealthy marriage; in fact, many marriage counselors advise couples to fight or argue, as such an argument can bring to the surface many issues that should be addressed sooner rather than later.

By avoiding conflict, or by staying away from a fight, couples will end up keeping their emotions bottled; in the end, filled up with rage and buckling under the pressure of pent-up anger, one of the persons in the pair can flare up and ultimately destroy a marriage.Conflict avoidance is actually one of the causes of marital infidelity, in which a person who is unable to manage conflict, or to acknowledge that there is conflict, might avoid the perceived messiness of a fight and simply escape into an extramarital affair.

Such affairs are actually forced signs of a troubled marriage.

That is, when couples are unable to discuss their disagreements with each other, one of the pair will use an affair to show to the other that there are problems in the marriage.

In general, people who want to avoid conflict are nice, and will often be people-pleasers. They are afraid that their lives will be destroyed if they are anything but good, because if they are not good, they can be abandoned, or they can lose control over their lives. In such a marriage, neither spouse can stand up to the other, so that when a problem arises, it can be difficult to solve.

In this line, so many things can happen once the affair is discovered. A person who has hitherto avoided conflict will suddenly plunge headlong into anger and rage, and will interrogate the cheater on his or her intentions, whereabouts, and doings.

On the other hand, if the cheated person is likewise a people-pleaser, he or she will simply brush the matter off and allow the other person to cheat, hoping that the cheater will come back one day and realize his or her shortcomings once he or she realizes the value of the cheated spouse.

The key to keeping a strong marriage is communication, whether or not it is occasional arguing or calm talk. The personality types that exist behind conflict avoidance, however, are much more difficult to correct.