The Lonely Soldier: Long Distance, the Pressures of War and Infidelity

For many soldiers, especially those who are deployed in far locations, the loneliness and homesickness are probably as bad as the conditions they have to live in and the war they have to fight. Not only that, they also have their personal relationships to manage, particularly those soldiers who are married, have a family or significant other left at home. When there is so much distance between two people and the ever-present threat of uncertainty in the war, many soldiers find their relationships threatened by infidelity.

Youth and infidelity
There are many soldiers who marry equally young partners who are often ill-equipped emotionally to handle the required adjustments and maturity level necessary to sustain relationships. The marital situation is even made more difficult if young children are involved. Left at home, a young spouse can become lonely and seek the companionship that his or her soldier spouse cannot give. Furthermore, marital issues left unresolved before the soldier’s deployment can be worsened by the distance.

A poignant example of this is that of a soldier from Tikrit, Iraq who wrote Amy Alkon (The Advice Goddess) about his wife. Apparently, his wife confessed about her attraction to another guy and that she wasn’t sure if she could still remain faithful should the other guy make his move. Alkon’s advice was sympathetic but practical: fight for your marriage if you see it’s worth it or come to an agreement that without fidelity there is nothing worth fighting for.

The problem with soldiers and infidelity
Although psychiatric counseling is available for many soldiers to help them cope, not many of them use this service. Soldiers may also be concerned about infidelities concerning their spouses and vice versa. Furthermore, soldiers returning home and becoming part of their family again have to go through several adjustments.

Cases of infidelity among soldiers are often a concern particularly because it affects their job. It is widely observed in the military that soldiers who have happy marital relationships are more productive and those dealing with problematic relationships see their performance degrade.

This is something that can spell disaster especially when a soldier is sent on a mission or goes into combat.

Unhappy endings
In an article published in the Democrats.org page regarding deployed soldiers’ marital stability and mental health, studies performed by the Mental Health Advisory found out that there was an increase in the number of marital and mental health problems in more than 1,300 soldiers and about 440 Marines. Aside from the prevalence of post traumatic stress disorder, about 20% of soldiers surveyed reported they were contemplating or planning either a separation or a divorce. Incidents of these problems increase in number as the length of deployment increases.