To Catch Your Cheating Spouse

Infidelity and insecurity live off of each other – when one appears, the other is never too far behind. Either one or both can devastate a relationship and destroy trust. They do go hand in hand. Here is how and why:

How infidelity causes insecurity
In any healthy relationship, both partners will feel loved. This feeling of being wanted and cared for increases a person’s self-worth and confidence. People in a deeply loving relationship will have little or no room for feelings of insecurity.

Now, consider introducing infidelity into the picture and things will unravel. Suddenly, the feeling of being loved has been replaced by the feeling of being unwanted and undesired. Then comes the self-blaming, the phase where a person believes he/she has been cheated on because he wasn’t good enough, not goodlooking enough, not having the right career, not having enough talents, etc.

It also doesn’t help that more and more people are becoming emotionally unfaithful – becoming attached to someone else without, or even prior to, sexual intimacy. The notion that a partner is being unfaithful ‘just for the sex’ is no longer true. There are unfaithful partners who become emotionally involved, which devastates their partners’ feelings of self-esteem more.

Insecurity = Infidelity
The way we are is the product of all our experiences and relationships. When people enter into a relationship with a whole lot of baggage, it can affect the way they deal and treat another person. If they are used to being betrayed in bad relationships, their attitude towards romantic or sexual relationships is probably the least trusting and confident.

Insecurity in past relationships and other hard lessons learned can usually predict a person’s behavior in a present relationship. This insecurity will usually appear as signs in the way a person behaves. If they are too insecure, they become too clingy, jealous and suspicious of everything their partner says and does.

If this insecurity becomes difficult to overcome, the problem begins when the other partner begins to lose patience or becomes annoyed at not being trusted regardless of their commitment. When their efforts at trying to build a relationship remain unnoticed or unappreciated, it is quite easy for them to begin looking for better companionship. At their most vulnerable, some partners will even cheat.

Insecurity can also make someone crave for attention and approval. When there is a need to be viewed as a person who is attractive and desired, it is quite easy to seek attention from somebody else in order to fulfill the void that insecurity often leaves behind.

Do insecurity and infidelity go hand in hand?
Not all insecurities lead to infidelity and not all infidelities cause insecurities. In fact, some zoologists even say that monogamy is not natural to us humans, so deep within us is probably that knowledge that some of us will be unfaithful.

Insecurity and infidelity are not too far apart. In the very complex dynamics that human relationships have, they remain factors that play off each other, feeding off each other’s strength, even as we all try to make sense of everything we have, say and do.

Infidelity is a big problem in relationships. Even well celebrated politicians suffer from it. Who would have forgotten about Bill Clinton’s extra marital relationship with an intern, Monica Lewinsky?

In the recent political campaign of Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton’s distinguished wife, people can’t help thinking how the two had remained married years after the scandal. Is their marriage a political arrangement? But the more important question is whether or not Bill’s philandering ways be the factor that would keep Hillary from being the next President.

Bill Clinton is not the only unfaithful husband. In the pool of today’s politicians, Rudy Giuliani, John McCain, and Newt Gingrich have had issues about infidelity at some point in their past that they have to deal with.

In a survey conducted by Newsweek, 43% of Americans said that they wouldn’t be voting for candidates who have had extramarital affairs. And more than half of Republican evangelicals had agreed to it.

Even so, it is rather interesting to note that Rudy Giuliani is currently the Republican front-runner. And he does have strong support from the evangelical groups at that.

With this development, it is safe to assume that American people are changing when it comes to accepting a certain politician’s infidelity. Today, Americans think that a politician’s infidelity is bad trait. But they are starting to live with it just the same.

The rules of fidelity had changed from 1970’s up to the present times. The living proof of this is the transformation of marriage into something that has become so disposable. No-fault divorce has been adopted by a number of states. And the divorce rate had doubled from 1967 to 1979.

By 1990, the concept of infidelity had taken a slight turn. It has ceased to be merely a relationship problem. It had become a physical or a societal disorder. And so the role of therapists and counselors to save marriages has been on the rise.

When Bill Clinton had been unfaithful in 1998, Congress had initiated an impeachment complaint against him. Bill was wise to admit to the public that he merely had lapse in his judgment. And that what he had done is a personal failure. Then he went on apologizing for it.

And the American people had accepted his apology. As a result, he continued on to serve as the president. The impeachment complaint died. But the more notable thing that happened is that his approval rating had soared to 73% - an all-time high with any president who had served in the white house.

Does the way a person looks have anything to do with his sexual behavior? Is it truly possible to tell whether a person will be unfaithful through his or her looks? Although this topic may seem like it’s been snatched from a Discovery Channel special, don’t discount it yet. There are certain things about the evolution of man that will fascinate and educate you.

The evolution of cheating
According to David Barash, PhD and Judith Lipton, MD, monogamy is not a natural predisposition for humans. In fact, the probably the only monogamous animal every identified so far is the type of tapeworm that lives in fish and that’s only because the male and female literally become one organism.

According to a recent study, women really do choose a life partner for his looks. The study found that masculine features such as a stronger jawline, thicker brows, smaller eyes and a bigger nose were judged as male characteristics that were not suitable for serious relationships. Women seem to associate these physical attributes to men who were more likely to be bossy, aggressive, pick a fight and be unfaithful.

On the other hand, women judged men with softer, more feminine features such as wide eyes, softer jawline, curved eyebrows and fuller lips as better partners. These men were viewed as the kind who would be more affectionate, become caring fathers and less likely to cheat. In fact, even men chose these softer-featured men as the kind of guys they would allow to go with their girlfriends on a vacation.

Cheating and natural selection
When it comes to having better relationships, should we trust our instincts? It’s almost like asking, ‘Will Arnold Schwarzenegger cheat on Maria Shriver?’ After all, he’s got the right size jaws and pecs. But then again, he’s the governor of California and she’s a Kennedy, which makes matters complicated.

So can you recognize an unfaithful person through his or her looks? Perhaps only DNA can tell. If and when a time comes when we finally discover which chromosomes show a person’s tendency to be unfaithful, then it probably is just a matter of asking your partner for a sample of his or her DNA to tell whether you’re a good fit. After all, what’s a little saliva or bloodletting if it will save you years of therapy and an expensive divorce?

For all you people out there looking for faithful love, don’t give up on your partner just because he’s not anatomically correct. It’s difficult and unfair to declare a person unfaithful because of the way he or she looks. Hey, Jude Law looks like a pretty girl but he still cheated

Cheating and infidelity is one of the most common plots of movies these days. Know the top ten movies about cheating here.

1. Derailed
Starring Jennifer Aniston, Vincent Cassel, and Clive Owen, this picture is story about a married man who had an affair with another woman. Charles met Lucinda on the train and the spark was there. They soon go out for lunch, dinner, and had drinks every now and then. They finally found themselves alone in a hotel when a thief had entered their room, beating him and raping Lucinda. Because their relationship is illicit, Charles doesn’t want to go to the police and tell what happened. When the thief started to blackmail him, the dilemma begins.

2. Unfaithful
In this story, it is the wife who had become unfaithful. Despite having a loving husband, a wonderful son, and a beautiful home, she wanted more. She became obsessed with a handsome stranger who approached her while hailing a taxi.

3. Fatal Attraction
In this 1987 film, the story is about a lawyer who had an affair with a colleague while his wife and kid are away. What was supposed to be a one-night stand became the biggest of problems when the woman he had an affair with doesn’t want to let go of him.

4. Enough
Jennifer Lopez plays Slim. She thought she was married to the right man. But she found out that he is a cheating husband. She wants to get out of the marriage, but his husband won’t allow her, trapping her with threats and warnings.

5. Closer
You’ll get a lot of cheating plots and stories in this film about four friends who are falling in and out of love with their respective partners. Cheating is always a part of a love triangle.

6. Match point
Chris cheats on his wife with Nola. Nola became pregnant and had insisted that he marry her. He leads her on. But he doesn’t want to leave his wife either.

7. Phonebooth
Stu cheats on his wife. He was merely making a routine call to his girlfriend when a sniper threatens to kill him if he won’t call his wife and confess. He was trapped inside the phone booth when everything else happened.

8. Shakespeare in Love
Viola and Shakespeare’s love affair in the movie is very romantic. But they are also cheating on their partners as they did so.

9. Something To Talk About
Grace discovered her husband is cheating on her. And her life has had a sudden turn. The story is all about recovering from a failed relationship.

10. Alfie
This is a story of a misguided womanizer gets involved with love affairs and one-night stands on a regular basis. Will his girlfriend still be there to change his ways?

Now this is not to inform you on how to cheat. These movies may actually help in educating you how to prevent your spouse or yourself from cheating.

So you’re in long distance relationship. It’s one of the best relationships you’ve had so far – loving, caring, passionate, incredibly sweet. You actually call yourself lucky everyday. But in your gut, there seems to be that nagging feeling that you and your loved one may not be having a great deal. There’s the distance, the decrease in physical intimacy and the temptation to cheat. Are you worried that the break-up rate for long distance couples are the same with other couples?

LDR couples are really just that … couples.
If you’re in a long distance relationship, you probably have some sort of 50-50 chance of success vs. failure. According to physician and long distance relationship expert Gregory Guldner, LDR couples don’t suffer from broken hearts as a result of geography any more than couples who live together or near each other. Read the rest of this entry »

“It will never happen again, honey,” husbands and wives often vow after they have had an affair, and then end it out of guilt. Sometimes, it never does happen again, and the husband or wife has full trust in his or her partner, respectively, after some period of recovery. However, there is no guarantee that cheating cannot recur, and more than three or four or even five times.

Is there such a thing as chronic infidelity? Is infidelity a sickness, or is it a sign of a deeper human weakness? Although no one study has been done to completely identify a Cheating Gene or a Cheating Disease, cheating can be examined at two different levels: one’s own weakness and susceptibility to temptation, and a chemical predisposition to be addicted to certain things associated with cheating.

Looking at Cheating from the Level of Human Weakness

Nearly all people want their lives to be more exciting – and what can add to this zest and excitement but an affair that has to be kept under wraps? And what can make an affair all the more tempting than a marriage that is growing to be more and more boring each day? This need for variation and change can often lead to an affair and make cheating all the more easy to do.

Some people might also mistake affairs as harmless bits of fun that can be sprinkled into a marriage without causing damage. Out of human weakness perhaps, they try to find excuses for their doings and justify an affair as a reward for work, or as something that might strengthen the marriage. At this level, cheating might be considered not so much a sickness, but as something that humans can be prone to doing.

So what might chronic cheating be? It might be a person falling prey to human nature. But like all other faults in our lives that can be attributed to human nature, cheating or the temptation to cheat can certainly be overcome. It’s human nature to want to eat, but we can control overeating; it’s human nature to want to sleep, but we can’t loaf around all day; so why can’t we control cheating

Looking at Cheating from the Level of Addiction

According to many recent studies, people become more prone to succumbing to addiction if they have certain levels of certain molecules in their veins or bloodstreams. This can mean that they are more prone to cheat, perhaps on the basis of being addicted to attention, or being addicted to sex that they might not get so easily within a marriage.

This, of course, does not mean that cheating should be condoned. In fact, author Kay Rutherford (Kmrutherford@viterbo.edu), who has a study on infidelity, encourages spouses to fight back, and even goes so far as to encourage no forgiveness. This can actually save people from the abuse of infidelity, whether chronic or one-time.

If you’re a regular traveler, you know that having an E-Pass is quite convenient. It makes using toll booths easier and faster – no more need to decelerate the car or fumble in your pocket for change. Unfortunately, if you’re nurturing an extramarital affair, the E-Pass can also be the means to your destruction. Just ask all the cheaters who got caught when their E-Pass records showed they were not where they claimed they were.

Cheating 101: Learning how the E-Pass works
The E-Pass stands for Electronic Pass, a small device that is installed on your car’s windshield. This device is part of your E-Pass account, a pre-paid toll account. Each time you use the E-Pass or go through the toll lane, a sensor on the toll booth will read your E-Pass device and automatically deduct the appropriate amount from your E-Pass account.

A record of your transaction will be kept, the statement of which may be viewed online at no cost. You can also get the statement through e-mail, fax or mail.

The bad news is that if the statement falls in the hands of your spouse, it can be used against you in divorce proceedings. If it is combined with other evidence of cheating such as receipts and photographs, the E-Pass statement becomes proof that you have been going to a place where you shouldn’t be. The worse news is, using the E-Pass statement as evidence is legal because it is not considered a private document.

If you think you have it bad as an American, think again. These days, the E-Pass is not the only gadget of choice for revealing shenanigans. In Italy, spouses who suspect their significant others are involved in an affair are lawfully entitled to install bugs in their spouse’s car.

Twenty-two people, including mechanics and private eyes, were charged by the police when the devices were discovered. However, Judge Lorenzo Benini ruled that bugging your spouse’s car is not considered a criminal offense, giving suspicious spouses the right to use the device. In Britain, bugging your spouse’s car also does not require a warrant. The device can be professionally installed to the tune of about 1,500 euros.

So what does this recent media coverage focused on the use of the E-Pass for catching cheaters mean to those who like to find some extra sweet time on the side? It’s just one more weapon against cheating hearts. The E-Pass is a device of convenience, all right – it makes passing through toll booths faster and proving infidelity a lot easier.

Women rarely ask for help when they find out that their man is cheating on them. The same is true with men. More often than not, both sexes handle the problem by themselves and merely confront their husband or wife about the matter. Worse, they end up getting a divorce that nobody really wanted in the first place.

So, when should professional help come in? Is there a need for counselors at all? Some people don’t think that psychologists can help so much in saving a failed relationship. But they really can.

Here are the indications that you should get help as needed:

1. When you are getting out of control.
The moment you discover your husband or wife is cheating on you, the most common reaction is to lose your cool. You may even lash out at other people who don’t even know the situation you’re in. If you think your anger is getting the most of you, it’s time to get some help.

2. If you feel you need to get even.
Because of the emotional turmoil your cheating partner caused you, it is quite understandable that you wanted to seek revenge. But that’s not “usually” the right path to go. There are constructive ways to deal with your frustrations. Talk to a counselor. He or she can help you out.

3. When you are itching to get away.
When people get hurt, the most common reaction is flee away from the place or the person that caused them pain as far as they can. But there are bad consequences to such actions. If you need to make a major decision because you caught your husband or wife cheating, better sort out your emotions with a psychologist first. That way, you won’t be regretting your decision at all.

4. If you still love your husband or wife despite his or her deceitful acts.
Some people get blinded by love too much it doesn’t matter if their husband or wife is cheating on them. If this is your reaction, then you must stand for your decision. However, it definitely is more helpful if you seek some help and analyze the problem. You need to treat yourself right, especially if your husband or wife can’t.

These are the instances that signal your need for help. Discovering your husband or wife cheating on you is not the end of the world. You can end the relationship or work it out. The choice is yours. The most important thing is that you have dealt with the situation in the most civilized manner as possible. Doing that would benefit you and your children most, if any.

The Internet is now becoming a big frontier of infidelity, as far as couples are concerned. While cyber cheating is becoming rampant, men and women don’t necessarily agree on the meaning of cyber cheating. Men don’t believe that online flings, chatting, and logging on at dating websites are a form of cheating. Women, on the other hand, think they are.

Cyber cheating is the term given to people who are in relationships who use the Internet to talk, flirt, and even have cyber sex, with another person of the opposite sex.

Cyber sex is a very good example of cyber cheating, where two people trade sex talks with each other just like couples do. But the only difference is that the other person you merely know the person you are talking through his or her screen name.

In a married couple setup, if two of them or just one starts to spend time chatting with people online rather than being intimate with each other, there is a problem between them indeed. But more often than not, it is more about perspectives. Some women think that online chatting and flirting is detrimental to their relationship. Men don’t think it can do any harm at all.

Men usually regard cyber dating not as a form of cheating on their wives. Instead, it is merely an act of having fun over the Internet. Most women who have husbands doing cyber dating in their free time feel that they are cheating on them on an emotional level. Men don’t think the same way because they are not doing anything physical at all.

Infidelity is still the biggest problem of couples. And it doesn’t matter if it is done virtually or not. The viewpoint of women when it comes to flirting is always different than that of men. When their husbands started to post in their Matches.Com profile that they are “Married But Looking”, wives start to wonder about the things that are wrong in themselves and their relationship. She needs to find out the reasons why her husband is still looking and what it is that he is actually looking for.

And because of the presence of cyber dating and flirting, cheating is simply a lot easier to do now than before. You need not meet somebody in a café by chance or by coincidence to have an affair. Just log on to a chat room and within minutes, you have somebody to flirt with.

Is $1.15 million dollars enough to make you feel better about having your affair exposed? To Leroy Greer of Texas, it seems like it is. He is suing his florist for that amount of money for inadvertently revealing his infidelity. In what seems to be a situation plucked out of a funny movie, Greer is using his cheating-man-caught-redhanded situation and turning it into a legal battle.

When the thank you note is a no-thanks
Greer had ordered flowers from 1-800-FLOWERS to send to his girlfriend. The company also offers an option where customers can choose whether to keep their transaction private or not. The option was actually for 800-FLOWERS not to disclose Greer’s personal information to ‘third parties’, which Greer checked. Read the rest of this entry »